Confessions of The Firstborn
by i.paint.the.sky
Summary: Draco Malfoy was not the firstborn of Lucius and Narcissa.  He had an older sister, named Lucia.  This is her story.  Complete.
1. Discovery of the Golden Years

**Confessions of the Firstborn**  
  
  


**Chapter One: Discovery of the golden years  
  
**

*~*~*

  
Draco knew he wasn't supposed to be here. His father explicitly forbade it. But today, for some reason, he had been thinking about her. Wanting to know more about her. So, in the middle of the night, he had snuck into the old room, climbing along the roof and entering through a window, thus avoiding the seal on the door. It was dangerous – the room was on the third story of the mansion – but he knew that he needed to see what was inside. He needed to learn more about this mysterious girl he should have known far better than he had.  
  
Searching the room, he found a pile of diaries. He picked up the first one, made of rose-coloured leather and gold-gilded pages. He opened the cover that bore her name. Lucia Malfoy. His sister.  
  
*~*~*  
  
_Dear Diary,   
  
I'm so happy today! It is my birthday! I am eight years old! Today, Daddy gave me you as a present. I love Daddy. I love Mommy too, but I love Daddy best. He says I am his little princess.  
  
I am going to write in you everyday. We will be best friends, you and me. I love you, diary.  
  
Lucia_  
  
*~*~*  
  
_Dear Diary,   
  
I am sorry I didn't write in you for a very, very long time. But today I am even happier than on my birthday! Today, Daddy took me to Diagonelly! It was very fun. So many people! We went to the bookstore, and Daddy bought me a spell book! I can't wait to do magic, and go to school. But for now, I'm stuck with my tutor. I don't like him very much.  
  
I wish I had a brother or sister to play with.  
  
Lucia_  
  
*~*~*  
  
_Dear Diary,   
  
Guess what? My wish is going to come true! Mommy is going to have a baby! Isn't that great? I'm going to be a big sister! I hope it is a boy, because Daddy really wants it to be a boy. I want Daddy to be happy.  
  
Daddy is acting very strange. He is happy, but also seems very quiet. I don't know why. Mommy also seems quiet.  
  
But I am happy. I can't wait till my little brother or sister is born. I love them already! Almost as much as I love Daddy  
  
Lucia   
  
_

*~*~*


	2. The Bubble Bursts

**Chapter Two: The Bubble Bursts  
  
  
**

It surprised Draco, reading about how much her sister had looked forward to his birth. The few memories and scanty knowledge he had of her would strongly suggest that she cursed the day he entered the family. But here was an 8-year-old's plea for a playmate. He turned the page to read more.  
  
*~*~*  
  
_Dear Diary,  
  
I have a brother! He was born early this morning. His name is Draco. I haven't seen him yet, because Daddy didn't take me to where he and Mommy are. I have to wait until he gets back. I can't wait to see my little brother!  
  
Lucia  
_  
*~*~*  
  
_Dear Diary,  
  
Draco is home today. I saw him for the first time. He is three days old, and very small. And very cute. I love him so much. So do Daddy and Mommy. They are with him all the time. I tried to go and play with him, but Daddy got upset. He says Draco is too small to play. He also said that I'm too young to pick him up. I wish I was older.  
  
Lucia_  
  
*~*~*  
  
_Dear Diary,  
  
I love my brother, but I wish Daddy and Mommy weren't always with him. I miss them. I still have my lessons with the tutor, so I never see them during the day. That's when Draco is asleep. In the night he is awake, and Daddy and Mommy stay with him. I am always with Dobby now.  I don't like Dobby. He is our house-elf. I wish Daddy wasn't so busy with Draco. I wish Daddy would come see me. And Mommy.  
  
Lucia  
_  
*~*~*  
  
_Dear Diary,  
  
Today is my birthday. I was very excited. I am nine years old. I thought that today Daddy would come and play with me. Maybe even Mommy. Daddy did come. He gave me a book, called History of Dark Magic. Then he kissed me on the cheek, and left. I didn't even see Mommy until dinner. I thought we would have a nice dinner, but it was yucky. This is the worst birthday ever.  
  
Lucia  
_  
*~*~*  
  
_Dear Diary,  
  
I am very sad today. Daddy came and told me that Draco needed my room. I am going to sleep in a room at the end of the hall. My old room was next to Daddy and Mommy's room. This new one is at the other side of the house. It is not a nice place. I cried, and told him it is too dark and cold there, and he got upset. I don't like making Daddy upset, so I stopped crying. The house-elves came and moved my stuff. I hate house-elves! I don't want to go to my new room.  I want to keep my old room. But it's what Daddy wants and what Daddy wants, Daddy gets.  
  
Lucia  
_  
*~*~*  
  
Draco flipped the page and then the next one, but found no more writing in this diary. It had been abandoned.

*~*~*  
  
  



	3. Hogwarts

Chapter Three: Hogwarts  
  
The next book on the pile was dark green, with a silver serpent on the cover. The symbol of Slytherin house. After two years, his sister was finally breaking her silence.  
  
Inside the cover was a picture of her. She was a Malfoy, no doubt about it. Long, straight, white blonde hair. Piercing silver eyes. Pale skin. Yet her features were softer than most Malfoy women, smoothed by their mother's side of the family. In the picture she was in her Hogwarts uniform. She had an angelic look about her; except for her eyes and the black hair ribbon the she wore. The picture almost appeared to be Muggle- made, for the girl very rarely moved. Her hair would sway gently in the breeze, her throat moved with breath, her eyes were watchful. Other than that she was a living statue.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today is my eleventh birthday. Mother bought me this book, to celebrate my acceptance into Hogwarts. And also as a reminder of which house my destiny lies in. Slytherin. The cunning, ambitious serpent that all Malfoys have been a part of.  
  
Father gave me money, as always. This year I was expecting it. And I already know what I'm going to buy. I've been saving for these knee- high, black, leather boots with a 2-inch heel. I've always felt too short. They have this spell on them that causes them to grow as the wearing grows, which means I'll be able to wear them until they wear out.  
  
Not much else happened. Not to me at least. As always, everyone here is just crazy about Draco. Including me, to some degree. I mean, he is a cute kid. As long as the stupid house-elves are around to do the dirty work. But he is a spoiled brat. Like I used to be.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, in a few days I will leave for Hogwarts. Father has decided he will take me to Diagon Alley the day before I have to catch the train. Mother will stay home to look after Draco. I wonder why Father is taking me? He hasn't had almost anything to do with me for so long. Well, I'll know the answers soon.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Now I know the answer. Father wanted to lecture me on how to behave like a Malfoy at school, as well as make sure I had the best supplies money can buy. Which of course I do. New textbooks in mint condition. Tailored robes. A cherry wand with dragon's heartstring. No owl though, because Father says I don't need one. It doesn't really matter to me though anyways. It's just an animal.  
  
So, we went back to our room after supper tonight, and I got a list of rules to follow. Basically, be perfect. Well Father, I'll do my best.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm on the train to Hogwarts. I'm on my own. Father left the minute I boarded, anxious to return to his precious heir. But I prefer the privacy, having gotten accustomed to it, and nothing else, since my brother was born.  
  
I've got all my books spread out on the seats. Father suggested I read a few chapters of my texts, to start off the year with a good first impression for my teachers. I think I'll read four chapters of the Potions, because if this Professor Snape is anything like Father says he is, anything less will definitely not be impressive.  
  
There's no one else in the compartment, which is how I like it. Some other first-years came, but I scared them off. Two boys, one with bright red hair and the other with light brown. All it took was a glare and they practically ran away. I think I may like Hogwarts.  
  
Some older students also came, who weren't so easy to get rid of. Then I told them my name, and they left me alone. Father wasn't kidding when he told me of Malfoy power. Even if I am just the daughter, not the son.  
  
Well, I have to start reading. I have all these new subjects to learn. Except for the Dark Arts, of course. I've been learning about those for years.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, I've lived up to your cover. I am one of five first-year Slytherin girls. I was really worried for a few seconds, when the hat was on my head. It talked to me, saying I had a mind fit for Ravenclaw. But I told it that I would rather die than not be in Slytherin, so here I am.  
  
I've already started testing my power over the other students. I told my roommates to stay away from my stuff: to not move it, touch it, or even look at it. It was funny to see their faces. I don't think much of any of them. Well, except that Magenta girl.  
  
The boys don't seem much better, but then again I haven't met many people outside the Malfoy family. At least I know they are all purebloods here. No mudbloods, and half-breeds. There is one boy whose name I recognized. Loki Jacobi. Famous family, I believe. Someone Father would approve of.  
  
But, before I try to find allies among the students I must win over the teachers. So, now it's time for me to stop writing, and finish up my reading. I'm almost done them all, except chapter four in the Potions text. I'll finish that before class tomorrow, because I have it last. With the Gryffindors, which should at very least be interesting. Slytherin and Gryffindor have been the only houses to win either the Quidditch Cup or the House Cup for years.  
  
Lucia *~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today was amazing! I haven't felt this happy since before Draco was born. I love Hogwarts! It's so cool.  
  
So, I got up early this morning, as usual. There was almost no one in the Hall until I was done my breakfast. Not even Dumbledore was there yet! The only one at the staff table was Severus Snape. Sitting in the corners, dressed in black. Doing the same thing I did at home, hiding in the shadows. I think I'm going to really enjoy Potions class. He's the Head of Slytherin too, and rumor has it he favours them. Well, I bet all the House Heads do that. Because of that, I wasn't sure what to think about my first class, Transfiguration. We had that class with Gryffindor, and Prof McGonagall is their Head of House. But class went well. I earned 10 points for Slytherin, because I could answer many of her questions. The only other person was a Gryffindor. Actually, he was one of the boys I met on the train, the redhead who I scared away. His name is Bill Weasley. I don't recognize that last name, so either he's a mudblood or from an unimportant wizard family. But, since he's in Gryffindor, I already knew that.  
  
Most of the other classes were much the same. We had them with either Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. After seeing the Ravenclaws, I'm glad I wasn't put in that house. All the good purebloods are in Slytherin.  
  
The worst class was Defense Against the Dark Arts. Granted I have been learning the Dark Arts for years, but I was still expecting more. I think Draco already knows more than Prof Quirrel. This class will be difficult to get through, especially since we're with those stupid Hufflepuffs. At least I should get a lot of points. The Professor was giving me some strange looks though. And he had a curious way of saying "Malfoy".  
  
Finally, at the end of the day, there was Potions. I got to class early, before Prof Snape even. I was sitting at my desk, reading the last pages of Chapter Four when he came out of his office. He asked me if I was reading chapter one, in a pathetic attempt to win brownie points. When I told him where I really was reading, I think I did manage to impress him, at least a little bit. I think I earned almost 20 points in that class, much more than that Weasley boy. Snape asked the class some really easy questions, about the Draught of Living Death, bezoars and aconite. But no one except me knew the answer. I'd say that was a pretty good impression on the only teacher at school Father really respects.  
  
So, today was a success. Father will be pleased. I'll write to him about it tomorrow. But now I have to go and read Potions Chapter Five. I LOVE HOGWARTS!!!  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
A piece of parchment fell out of the book as Draco turned the next page. Picking it up he immediately recognized his father's handwriting.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Lucia,  
  
I am satisfied to hear of your academic standing at school, and how you are earning many points for you house. But it displeases me greatly to hear of how you shun you fellow Slytherins.  
  
Slytherin House is a huge power base, and I will not have any daughter of mine letting all the resources go to waste. A true Malfoy is capable of earning the highest marks while also gaining allies among their house. If you are truly worthy of your name, then you will also do this.  
  
Lucius Malfoy  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco stared at the letter in shock. If he had been Top of his Class, as he knew Lucia had always been, Father would have been extremely pleased. Even if Draco had been a loner, high marks would have been enough. As it was, he was constantly derided for scoring lower than a mudblood, that damned Granger. Despite him having many flunkies within the ranks of Slytherin.  
  
He was just beginning to recognize the double standards that Lucius had forced his daughter to suffer through.  
  
Placing the letter back within the book, he returned to reading the words of Lucia's soul.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I can't believe it. That horrible letter Father sent. I've been in the Slytherin bathroom, crying all period. I missed DADA, but I doubt we learned anything anyways.  
  
But I'm better now. And I'm ready to do as Father asks. He's right, I haven't been taking advantage of the resources that are my housemates. This is the place to make alliances with other powerful pureblood houses. I'll start small, with the first-year girls. It should be easy to get them to follow a Malfoy. None of them come close to being in a family as powerful or respected as mine.  
  
Once I've gotten them, then I work on the boys. I'll make Father proud of me, for once.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm sorry I haven't written for so long, but I've been working hard to do what Father ordered. The first-years are now all aligned with me. They all follow my leadership, or that of Loki Jacobi. I think I mentioned him before. He's from a very powerful dynasty, one of the few equal to my own. He has an older brother in 2nd-year, Bartleby. This allegiance with the Jacobi will please Father very much, I hope. It has been so long since anything I have done has seemed to please him.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm all packed up, and ready to go home. This first year at Hogwarts has been so amazing. I now have a group of followers in my own year. Next year, I'll get some 1st year flunkies, and try for some older supporters. We already have Loki's brother, but we need more.  
  
This was a good year for Slytherin. We won the Quidditch Cup, and the House Cup. I helped out with that last one, because I earned many points. Especially in Potions. People say I got one of the highest marks Snape has ever given out. And that's not just because I'm in his house.  
  
I can't wait to show Father my Top of the Class certificate. I easily beat out Bill Weasley for that honour. I can't believe he's a pureblood! Then again, he does hang out with that mudblood Daniels a lot, which probably brings him down a few rungs on the pureblood scale. Anyways, I'm sure Father will be very happy with me. I wonder if Mother and Draco will be there to meet me with him?  
  
I'm going to miss Hogwarts this summer, but I'm sure that now Father will pay more attention to me. After all, I've earned it.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco closed the book. It was getting late, and he was getting tired. It was so strange, reading his sister's most private thoughts. Seeing the drastic change between the nine-year-old version of Lucia, and the eleven year old she became. Yet they weren't so different, both yearning for Lucius' love. That was something Draco also aspired too, though he would settle for at least a bit of respect. Something he knew his sister had deserved, but never gotten.  
  
(A/N Well, there's the next chapter. Quite a change in her language, I know, but I think it's realistic. Even without such a drastic change in life, people are quite different in grade 7 than in grade 5. I know I was. Also, if you're wondering about the use of language such as mudblood, I think that it would be natural for someone growing up around Lucius to be very negative towards the Muggle-born.  
  
Anyways, I finally have enough reviews to reply to them individually. Hurrah!!!  
  
The penguins must be stopped: I'm glad you like the start, and hope you like how I've continued. Also, what are the penguins doing that they must be stopped?  
  
Guardian of the lost souls: I'll try to update as often as possible. Glad to have you hooked. Also thanks for the two reviews.   
  
Darcel: I feel really bad for Lucia, especially because I know what happens to her.  
  
Aurelia: Where do you suspect I'm going? Actually, don't answer that. If you're right, you wouldn't want to spoil it for the rest of the readers. I am trying to put more Draco in, but this story really isn't about him. It's about Lucia. Glad you like the name. I was feeling rather uncreative when it comes to Malfoy names, so I just made a feminine form of Lucius.  
  
Solitary Cross: I'm glad you like the POV of a child, that was what I was trying to go for. I just wish Lucia could stay that innocent forever, but of course she can't. Thanks for putting me on your favourites list, I'm honored.  
  
Emma: I'm glad you like it, and now I have updated!  
  
Also, for all of those who just scrolled through the thank yous of reviewers because you haven't reviewed, WHY HAVEN'T YOU REVIEWED? Then I could thank you too!) 


	4. Rivalries

Chapter Four: Rivalries  
  
(A/N I just wanted to say where the names for the Jacobi brothers came. They will be major players in this fic. Plus, I like showing off my name making skills, except when it comes to the Malfoys. Hard to name, those ones! First, Jacobi is after Sir Derek Jacobi (I think it's Derek), an English actor who plays Claudius in Hamlet directed by Kenneth Brannagh (aka Lockhart). Loki and Bartleby are the names of the two fallen angels in Dogma, in which Alan Rickman stars (aka my beloved Snape). So, both names have Harry Potter connection, if only loosely.)  
  
Draco's dreams that night were haunted by her memory. Remembrances of her face, her voice, and the love and hate she had always shown him. She had called him her little ferret (A/N HE HE HE, sorry to interrupt but it is beyond me not to laugh at Draco at this point), typically with great affection. Yet he remembered her rages at him when their parents were out, and he was left in her care.  
  
The day past at such a rate that Draco felt certain Father had cast some sort of spell that slowed time to a snail's pace. Everything was so tedious. He desperately wanted to return to Lucia's room and her writings, but didn't dare do such a thing in the middle of the day.  
  
Finally darkness fell, and thankfully Father didn't feel like trying to teach his son anything that night. Draco went to his room, and waited until the house was settled. Then once again he stole over to the other end of the house, slipping through windows to return to the pages of his sister's diary.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
What a boring summer! I swear, the only reason Mother and Father brought me home was to baby-sit. I'm so sick of that little spoiled brat who always insists that I play with him, whether I have things to do or not! And unfortunately calling Dobby and letting Draco through things at the stupid elf only works so many times.  
  
I can't blame it all on my brother. After all, he is being raised to be the Malfoy heir, which basically means being a copy of Father whose main purpose in life is to beget another heir to become yet another manufactured Malfoy. It is really sickening to think about what he will have to endure. I think I'd rather be the second-rate daughter I am than the all-important son Draco is.  
  
On a happy note, summer is almost over. All my summer assignments have been completed for over a month, and rechecked and rewritten countless number of times. The highest quality of course is the Potions essay. It was supposed to be five sheets of parchment; mine is ten. I don't see this as being a teacher's pet. I see it as gathering allies whom I may need to call upon. Yet again Father's teaching rule how I behave. At least now I notice it.  
  
I can't wait to go back to school.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I thought Bill Weasley annoyed me last year. This year the stupid Gryffindor seems to be going out of his way to irritate me. Trying to win the teachers over onto his side, against me and my house. As if he could.  
  
Father told me about the Weasleys, in on of the very few conversations we had over the summer. A bunch of Muggle-lovers, and an insult to purebloods everywhere. Both my parents went to school with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and neither Mother nor Father hold Arthur or Molly in high esteem. In fact, they place them below the mudbloods, such as the girl Lily Evans they talk about. Though she was the mother of The Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter. But she is irrelevant to this discussion.  
  
Arthur Weasley works in the Ministry of Magic, in the Department for the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts. A position that is not very well paying, Father said disdainfully. And there are seven, SEVEN, Weasley children!!! Bill is the oldest. His younger brother Charlie is a first-year now, and from what I hear it seems that he is even worse than Bill. If such a thing is possible.  
  
As I said before, Bill is becoming an increasing nuisance to me. Even worse is his best friend, that mudblood Daniels. When I told Father about him, he said it figured a Weasley would be friends with such filth. But last year, though they were irritating, they at least appeared somewhat intelligent. But now they have started to try and take way some of my influence.  
  
I am a Malfoy, and this will not be tolerated. As much as it pains me to admit it, I still want to make Father proud.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, I have accomplished my first goal for this year: expanding my influence. The new first-years were easily brought into my circle, and even Loki is beginning to lose sway to me. We have even been successful in bringing older students into the group. Bartleby Jacobi was the easiest, and once we had him we had almost all of the third-year Slytherins with us. Now work on the fourth-years begins, and soon we may even reach the prefect level. Which is the highest we will get to, as the Head Boy is Gryffindor and the Head Girl, gasp, Hufflepuff. Apparently the girls in 7th-year are quite pathetic.  
  
Anyways, now that this has been achieved, I am able to begin using my power for my own purposes. And right now my purpose is to bring Weasley and Daniels down a few notches. Nothing serious, just a good embarrassment. And of course, something that cannot be linked to me. I'm not sure what it will be just yet but trust me, diary dear, it will be good.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I have it! The perfect plan for humiliation! I discovered it during the Christmas holidays. I found a spell for this potion in one of Father's old school books. One of the ones he used for practical jokes on the Gryffindors. Like father, like daughter. Finally a similarity besides appearance. I wonder what he would think. But I don't think I'll tell him. Most likely Father would ignore me anyways.  
  
So, this potion I found is used to colour people's skin, temporarily of course. So, with help from the others, I think that I will be able to sneak into the Gryffindor dormitory, and put some on Weasley and Daniels' beds. And the next day, they will be Slytherin green and silver, of course.  
  
I can't wait to tell the others. I will be back at Hogwarts tomorrow, and then my plan will start to be put into action. The main problem will be getting the ingredients, without alerting Snape. Or maybe I should let him know, just to see what happens. Since it's just a little prank, I don't think I'd get in too much trouble. And even if I did, I don't think Father would be too upset. Though I am trying to care less about what he thinks is appropriate or not. Then again, look at who my friends are!  
  
Well I have some reading to do - teaching myself DADA since Quirrel is so useless - so I'll give you an update later.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
The plan is a go. I've already prepared the potion, under Snape's supervision! I decided that I would go ahead and test out how much he actually likes me. I wouldn't be surprised if he turns me in, but I also wouldn't be too surprised it he didn't.  
  
Anyways, here's the plan. Loki is going to find out the password to the Gryffindor dorm tonight. Tomorrow he's going to lead the others of the Slytherin Alliance, as we call our group of 1st, 2nd, and now 3rd year students, in creating a diversion. This prank has solidified relations with the year ahead of us, and if we can pull it off perfectly we should at very least earn some respect from the older years. Maybe not the prefects, but everyone else.  
  
Once the diversion has stirred up all of Gryffindor, and conveniently left the dorm empty, it is my job to go and set the trap. Once I'm out, I'll go to where the others are and signal to them with a wand-flare.  
  
If all goes to plan, Weasley and Daniels will be green in two days time. With no way of pinning it on me.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco found himself grinning at his sister's plans. It was a good idea, something he might have thought of. It was even against a Weasley! Too bad it had already been used, and would be easy to blame on him.  
  
He eagerly turned the page, burning to find out the consequences of Lucia's enacted plan.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, it's done. The potions are set. Tomorrow morning, Weasley and the mudblood will wake up green, with Slytherin written on their bodies in silver. As something special, the Weasel will also have a serpent on his chest. I had extra potion, and was feeling rather creative.  
  
Almost got caught on the way out of Gryffindor, but Weasley Jr. But like his brother Charlie is no match for me.  
  
Now all there is left to do is wait for tomorrow.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Slytherin did lose many points, but everyone agrees it was worth it. But let me start from the beginning.  
  
I was up extra early this morning, so I could completely distance myself from the prank. The only other person in the Hall when I arrived there for breakfast was Snape. He was watching me carefully, trying to figure out why I would be there so early. I don't think he believed my excuse of wanting to do some last minute studying for my Herbology test. He knows me too well to think I would cram at the last minute.  
  
So, I wasn't in the Hall when my victims arrived. But Loki and the others told me about it. I so wish I could have seen them, and heard the laughter that engulfed the entire room, especially at Slytherin table. It would have been priceless.  
  
I was able to avoid the green pair until Transfiguration, which we had right after lunch. I was trying to get to class early and stay away from them, but sometimes Gryffindors do actually use their brains. Weasley and Daniels were waiting there for me, and started yelling accusations. It was a battle of willpower to keep from laughing in their faces. They looked just as hilarious as Loki has promised. I really wish I had a picture of them, but alas I don't have a camera. Besides, how would I have managed to get a good shot?  
  
Anyways, McGonagall came then, and I was able to put on my most innocent face, and convince her that I had nothing to do with the joke. I was just about to go into class, certain of victory, when Snape came. It was hard, but I was able to remain calm, waiting to see if he gave me up.  
  
He didn't!!! All he said was that this potion was actually very simple to make, though it would not be in a book available in the library. But then he left, without saying a word against me.  
  
I had to stay after Potions class, but I was expecting that. I got a lecture about betraying trust, and how Snape expects that I will behave in a more fitting manner in the future. Then, just as I was leaving, he actually congratulated me. So, now I know where he stands.  
  
Maybe I should tell Father.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco was intrigued. As far as he knew, Snape hated all the students, even those in his house. Yes, he favored them, but he would never cover up for anyone currently in Slytherin. And yet he had for Lucia. That relationship went beyond the typical student-teacher, apparently.  
  
It was also intriguing to see how she felt about Bill Weasley at this point in time. Draco was never exactly sure what happened the summer after Lucia graduated, but he knew the eldest Weasley played a big part in it.  
  
(A/N FORESHADOWING! Very fun!!! I just want to add to my previous note, about explaining Lucia's behavior. No matter how nice she may seem, how vulnerable, she is always a Malfoy.  
  
And hears again to my reviewers:  
  
Darcel: I'm still not completely sure what all is going to happen to Lucia (no idea so far as to what happens in third-year), so I share your excitement.  
  
Aurelia: Glad you like chapter three, so do I. I hope this one lives up to your expectations.  
  
Guardian of Lost Souls: I've really found myself becoming attached to Draco, as I try to explore what made him into the slimy little git he is. Lucius defiantly is to blame for his son, and in this fic he also causes the ruin of his daughter (more foreshadowing, though you probably already knew that, because this is not an AU)  
  
Jeanne: Haven't had time yet, but I will be reading your fics soon. I also like seeing what people write on similar subjects to my own fics. Also I tried to concentrate more on the other Slytherins, just for you.  
  
Thanks again to all the reviewers, especially those who previously reviewed my story. Keep them coming. And, as I said before, I really don't know what is going to happen in Lucia's third-year yet, so there may be a longer delay before the next update. Hopefully not, but be prepared.) 


	5. Summer of Freedom

Chapter Five: Summer of Freedom  
  
(A/N Still don't know exactly what will happen in third-year, but I've found a way to update without knowing. As you may have guessed by the title, this is the summer between Lucia's year two and year three. And speaking of year three's, doesn't it totally SUCK that Prisoner isn't out until June 2004!!! I'm am so totally obsessed with that book, I really, REALLY don't want to wait that long. ( Oh yeah, and has anyone figured out yet that I DESPISE Dobby?)  
  
Draco was very interested about the next entries. He had always wondered what exactly happened the summer in which they had been written, between Lucia's second and third years at Hogwarts. Something had seemed different afterwards, when September came and Lucia left. But he had never known why. Now, he hoped to find the answers.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
This is going to be one interesting summer. Just Mother and me, alone, for two months. I have no idea what to expect. But I get ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning.  
  
Usually Father is the one who greets me off the train. Well, greets maybe isn't the right word. He comes and brings me home, usually instructing my on how to improve myself on the way there. But this year it was Dobby waiting for me, with a portkey.  
  
After making sure the stupid elf was going to be able to adequately take care of my luggage, and by that I mean only lose or break a few things, I used to portkey, and ended up home.  
  
Home in the middle of a sea of chaos. The elves were running around, carrying so many boxes and suitcases that it was amazing their backs weren't broken. Mother was standing nearby, overseeing everything. Draco stood beside her, clinging to her skirt.  
  
I asked her what was going on, and she said Father and Draco were going on a trip. By this point, Draco has freed himself from Mother's robes, and ran towards me. I knelt down, and he practically flew into my arms, cling to me. Sometimes I really do have to love that kid. He really is adorable right now, especially with his hair falling in his face. Soon Father will probably start making him slick it back. I don't think I'll like seeing that.  
  
Anyways, I asked Draco about the trip, but my brother didn't say anything, just held on to me tighter. Then I asked if he wanted to go. And he said no, he wanted to stay with me. I kissed him on the forehead, smiling down.  
  
With perfect timing, that was when Father made his entrance. And before even saying hello, he was ordering Draco to get down and stop acting like a baby. I wanted to yell back "he is a baby", but I've never had the courage to openly defy Father. So I put Draco down, trying to ignore his pleading eyes that are so like mine. Father came over, and used his cane to herd Draco towards the door. Only then did he acknowledge my presence, saying that I had performed satisfactorily at school, and that he was sure that I would have an enjoyable summer with my mother. And then he was out the door, taking poor little Draco with him.  
  
So now I'm alone in this house with Mother. And the house-elves, but they don't count. This will be interesting.  
  
Lucia  
  
PS Oh, I almost forgot something. Mother watched Father and Draco leave out the window. I was about to leave the room when she sighed so deeply I thought something was wrong. But when I asked her what it was, she turned to me and smiling said "Nothing's wrong, Lucia. Everything is perfect." She looked so different then usual. It was unnerving. But I think I know why, for like her I can feel the weight that has been lifted off this house, with the departure of my father.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
A week has passed since Father and Draco left. Life appears to be normal. But it isn't. The changes are only noticeable to people who know well the workings of the Malfoy family. People like me, who have suffered under its tyranny.  
  
Even so, the differences are hard to explain. They are not drastic, yet they are everywhere. Life has become.freer. As I said in the last entry, a weight has been lifted. And because of this, life has become more informal. Mother and I haven't talked much, but I can tell she feels it too. Lately she has been doing more around the house, completing tasks that are normally left to the servants. And she smiles with real warmth, not the cold, forced smile I have known for the last years.  
  
The biggest change is meals. With Father here, we always eat at the big dinning room table with my parents on either end, and Draco and I in the middle. Conversing with Mother or Father is difficult for us. It is impossible for my parents to speak. This seems to make the marriage easier for both of them. But now Mother has had the table shrunken. And I have been given Father's place at the table, which is rather unnerving if I do say so myself. The two ends are still far from each other, but the seem to get closer every day. The meals are also simpler, with less food going to waste. Life seems so different, but I love it.  
  
Lucia  
  
PS Is this what life would have been without Draco? Without my brother, would being home be happy for me?  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco sat pondering his sister's questions. This life she described was something he had no concept of. Meals had never been less than completely formal, and he could not recall seeing his mother truly smile.  
  
"Did I ruin their lives?" he asked himself quietly, as the next entry was revealed.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
By Merlin, it's been years since I had so much fun at home as I had today. I have never felt closer to Mother. Actual, I have never felt remotely close to her at all, until now.  
  
I got up early this morning, as usual, and went to have breakfast. Unusually, Mother was not at the table when I arrived, as she has been every day for as long as I can remember. Both my parents are very early risers. I could never beat them out of bed.  
  
Anyways, I ate my meal alone, and then went to the library to do some more work on my homework. I'm working on such an advanced essay that Snape would be impressed if it were written by a seventh-year. But, that isn't important.  
  
What is important is that right before I started work, Dobby appeared. He told me that mother wanted to see me, in the master bedroom.  
  
In the master bedroom. Before this morning, I had never been in there. Father never permitted it, for me or Draco. Not willing to miss this opportunity, I hurried upstairs and through the bedroom doors.  
  
It was so dark in there. Incredibly dark. I thought my room was gloomy, but it's only gray. This room was black. And filled to the brim with dark magic. The air practically hummed with the dark arts. I would have loved to see Quirrel turn to a quivering mass in here, for the professor is completely incapable of battling the dark arts. But once again I record unimportant things.  
  
Sitting on the bed, upon the black satin sheets, was my mother, the only light thin in the room. But even she had a darkness about her. Her golden hair did not shine as it usually does; the waves in it seemed still and immobile. Her face was pale and without any life in it, as were her eyes. She wore a white nightgown, but it only made her seem weaker in the room of strong shadows.  
  
She looked up at me as I entered, smiling weakly. "You need more colour, Lucia," she told me. I was wearing my black skirt and matching black blouse, a standard outfit out home.  
  
I looked around the room, then looked her in the eyes. "I don't think you should be lecturing me on colour."  
  
She stood up then with a huge sigh. "I suppose you're right." She walked towards her dresser, one of the few non-black items, though it was stained dark. I watched her face in the mirror, bone-white against the dark. Then her eyes lit up, and she smiled. Picking up her wand, she turned and cast a spell on the bed.  
  
I couldn't believe my eyes. The bed had been turned baby pink, and was covered in lace. I began to laugh, and than Mother joined me. She turned her wand to the curtains, and suddenly they were white and sheer, not black and oppressive. "Join me Lucia," she said, as the carpet became lemon yellow. I concentrated on the wall, and turned it robin blue.  
  
We spent the rest of the morning, and most of the afternoon, changing all the colours through the mansion. The only room left untouched I think is Draco's room, which was once mine. I have not been in there since I was evicted from it, and Mother saw no reason to alter it. But even Father's study is changed, the desk streaked with a rainbow with the rest of the room is white. Most rooms clash hideously, but we couldn't care less. Finally we were so exhausted that we just collapsed on the floor in the living room, which is now neon green.  
  
Oh, and my black clothes were changed to yellow.  
  
Dinner is going to be served soon, on our now floral china. It used to be marked with the Slytherin serpent. I'm so sick of Slytherin. I love school, but this is home. That's why I chose yellow, because it's not green. Obviously. Though I was careful not to make them Hufflepuff yellow. Stupid Hufflepuffs.  
  
But for today, I want to forget about school. So no more about Hogwarts. Dobby has just come to invite me for dinner. Mother has made the table the proper size for two people to eat and converse. I think that we have come to a new point in our relationship. Then again, it's not like there was really an old point. Our relationship was just never there. But now it is. And I revel in it.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco smiled at the idea of a multi-coloured house. He wished he had been at the house that summer, with Lucia and Narcissa rather than with Lucius. But he hadn't had a choice in the matter. Lucia had accurately recorded his reluctance to go. But what was past was past, and there was no changing it. But at least he could live the experience through his sister's words.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, today was another interesting and important day in the mother- daughter relationship of the Malfoys. Today, Mother tried to give me the talk.  
  
It was actually quite funny. She called me to her room early, and we ate breakfast on the pink bed. After we had finished, she looked at me in a very serious manner, and told me there were things she needed to tell me. This surprised me, especially when she began talking about puberty. Then I started to laugh. This surprised her.  
  
"Mum," I told her, "I already know this." Yes, I called her Mum. How weird is that?  
  
Anyways, she replied "You have?"  
  
"Yeah, I have been living in a girls' dorm for the last two years. We do talk."  
  
She began to laugh then. "Of course, well that makes things easier for me. Do you have any questions?"  
  
I didn't. Until she went to the dresser and began "putting on her face", as she calls it. I have never used makeup, so I asked her to show me. First I watched her, then she helped me apply some on myself. Just some lip gloss and clear mascara, but it was a good start. Or so she said. Something I would even be allowed to wear to school.  
  
When she mentioned Hogwarts, I suddenly remembered all the homework. I had been ignoring school for the last week, hadn't even touched my Potions essay. So that was what I worked on for the rest of the day. At supper we had a good discussion about school, and I learned some interesting things about her as a student. Apparently, she was a horror in Transfiguration. The Gryffindors always dominated in that class, as they do today. That is the one class where Bill Weasley actually has a significantly higher mark than me. It's quite horrid.  
  
But I don't want to think about him today. Or ever, but unfortunately I have to eventually deal with him. But not today, or any day this summer. This summer, I can just relax with my "Mum".  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
The summer is almost over. I'm sorry I haven't written more, but I've been occupied. I never knew being with Mother could be so fun. But now it's coming to an end.  
  
Father comes home tomorrow. We spent the better part of the day returning all the décor to its original state. Now the house is it usual, dark self. And that absent weight is beginning to press down on the mansion again.  
  
Mother and I had a picnic dinner, our last meal before Father and Draco return. It was so happy and relaxing, yet so incredibly sad. We talked about unimportant stuff all night, trying to forget about everything other than our summer. Sometimes I think Mother was about to say something to me, but then stopped. I wish I knew what she wanted to tell me, but I guess I never will.  
  
In one week I return to school. I can't wait. Once Father comes back, this house will become my hell again. But I'll always remember that time when it was paradise.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco could vaguely remember returning home. Everything had seemed just as he remembered. Mother and Lucia had done their job, making sure the colours were erased. The only difference he had ever noticed was that Lucia looked older and more beautiful after this summer. Aided by both the makeup and hormones, she had become less of a girl, and more of a woman.  
  
(A/N Well, that wasn't so hard. But now I have to figure our what happens next. ARG!!!! Anyways, I have decided to keep this to a PG13 fic, though some words may be "bleeped". Thanks again for all the great reviews.  
  
First with the last-minute chapter 3 reviewers who didn't get thanked personally before:  
  
She-Wolf: Thanks for adding Confessions to your favs, means a lot. Also I'm glad I stunned you, though I do hope you have recovered. Stunned people can't read, or review, and we can't have that. I also have fallen in love with Lucia's character, which really does suck because of what happens later. But you don't know that.  
  
Angelily: I'm trying to work on the character development, though it is hard for characters other than Lucia, since it's all her POV. Also, I do try to make the entries long, but not too long that they go on and on. Thanks for the comments though.  
  
Guardian of Lost Souls: Another review, thank you so much. I really do think Lucia acted a true Malfoy. Lucius would be so proud if only she were male. Anyways, hope I updated fast enough for you, though this was the slowest update for this story yet. Not too bad though, if I do say so myself.  
  
Darcel: Very cool!!!  
  
Jeanne: Love the Alan story, he so does not look 57. Anyways, I do try to avoid A/N's in the story, but I couldn't resist at that particular moment. I'll try to restrain in the future, but I make no promises. I also agree that Draconis' feelings towards Harriet are similar to Lucia and Bill, though that will change. (More foreshadowing)  
  
Belleza: You hadn't reviewed before, but thanks for doing it now. And now I have written more.  
  
Aurelia: Another return reviewer. Thanks SO much. Love the little ferret thing, way to go Moody, even if it was Crouch. And about Snape, well I did consider that, but I've always found the teacher-student relationship (beyond the norm that is) rather icky, to use the technical term. But I am going to use something along those lines. Read my Snape and Circe fics if you want to see Snape hooked up with someone.  
  
Please, keep the reviews coming. Because of them, I'm updating this story before my others, though I do want to update Betrayal before the next chapter of Confessions is written.) 


	6. End of the Dream

Chapter Six: End of the Dream  
  
(A/N Well I finally figured out 3rd-year!!! Yeah!!! Hope you guys like it, though sadly it cannot be as happy as the last chapter. You guys do all know that this cannot end well, right?)  
  
A noise startled Draco. Footsteps in the hallway, coming towards Lucia's room. He scrambled to put the books back into the box, and hurried out the window. The door opened inside, and the soft-falling feet entered. Draco didn't have to see her to recognize his mother.  
  
Narcissa moved past the box, to Lucia's bed. Draco didn't dare move, for from where she sat Mother would surely notice movement. Lucia's bed looked out through the window, for his sister had always enjoyed looking at the view. Wishing that she could join it, instead of being coped up inside. Draco knew how she felt.  
  
Suddenly soft sobs reached his ear. Narcissa was crying on the bed of her little girl, tears flowing for the daughter she had known so little about. No one had really known Lucia. Well, one person had but he didn't matter.  
  
Draco remained still and silent as his mother wept. Finally she slipped back into the hall, and he moved back inside the room. He had never realized that his mother would ever visit this room. He had never been aware that she had so much emotion in her. There was a lot he didn't know about the Malfoy women. But Narcissa would have to wait, for now Draco would concentrate on discovering who his older sister had really been.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, I'm back on the Hogwarts Express. A new school year has begun. My third-year, a time of more rigorous studies and Hogsmeade expeditions. Not that the studies will be too hard. And I'm not as excited about Hogsmeade as most people. It's just another place to go.  
  
My life is back to normal. This summer was but a dream to me now. I will remember it fondly, but I'll never experience anything like it again. I know this may sound very pessimistic, but its not. I'm just being realistic. For two months Mother and I were like sisters. Now we will return to being strangers.  
  
I know it's foolish, but I can feel my eyes filling up as I write this. It's not a pleasant filling, being on the verge of tears. And quite unexpected. To think I would cry over my mother. It's as ridiculous as her crying over me. I'll just take a moment, to gather my wits about me again. And act like a true Malfoy, which sadly enough I know I am.  
  
Ok, I'm in control again. Just in time to bid you farewell, for I neglected my schoolwork this summer. Of course I finished the assigned work, but I have not been a diligent in working ahead as I usually am. And this year I have to work even harder. Especially because I'm sure the Weasel and the Mudblood, as I unaffectionately call them, are sure to be out for revenge. I have much work to do.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Over this summer I have developed. And by this I refer not to my magic skills, but to my body. I realize that I am no longer a little girl, but what someone would likely call a "young woman". How cliché, but accurate. If my schoolmates stares are any indication.  
  
It is quite odd, and I've found myself spending more time in front of my mirror, looking at my reflection. I have always had the rather striking Malfoy appearance, but never considered myself anywhere near beautiful. But now I'm seeing at very least a prettiness.  
  
I sound very vain, but why shouldn't I be. All the girls in my year stare enviously at me now. Even some of the older years do. And the guys, well, they are guys after all. Ogling is practically in their genes. Though sometimes is it disturbing. Especially around Bartleby. I sometime catch a rather feral look in his eyes, and it scares me. But on some level I feel flattered, that he's giving me any attention. After all, he is the alpha male for most of Slytherin. Unchallenged by any others below 7th year. Next year he will be the undisputed leader of our house. Well, the male leader at least. Coming from a powerful family really helps at school, as I well know. But Bartleby merely looks, at least when it comes to me. He's busy with all the other girls in Slytherin, but knows better than to mess around with a Malfoy.  
  
The female leader is currently Pamela Locust, a prefect. And she is finally under the influence of our little group. This means we will have a little leeway as far as the rules go. Which we allow us to properly defend ourselves again any Gryffindor retaliation for last year.  
  
Speaking of those "brave" folks of Gryffindor, I was correct in my guess that they would still be out for revenge. A few tricks have been played, minor things such as itching powder and the likes. But nothing has come close to me. And of course, I am the primary target. After all, even if they can't prove it, Weasley and Daniels both know I am behind the little green-skin fiasco. Thinking about that victory still makes me smile.  
  
Anyways, school is basically normal, accept for the leering I mentioned earlier. But that doesn't really affect me. Though it was amusing to see the Weasel's double take when he first saw me. As I said before, my life has gone back to normal. For better or worse.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, today was our first excursion to Hogsmeade. I took in all the sights, and frankly found it to be as I expected. Not nearly as exciting as everyone thinks it is.  
  
If perhaps I liked candy than Honeydukes would be the place to be. If the Shrieking Shack was genuinely haunted, it might be good for some kicks and giggles at the expense of the Gryffindors. But of course, none of this is true. I don't want my teeth to rot, and I'd bet my wand that there is nothing but dust haunting that old, boarded up wretch of a house. I remember Father saying that when he was at Hogwarts you could hear inhuman howling. Yet another lie he's told me.  
  
So after exploring this poor excuse of a tourist town, I ended up in the tavern, ready to try the famous Butterbeer. And, surprise surprise, I found it just as impressive as the rest of the pitiful town.  
  
I was about to leave when movement in the shadows caught my attention. Sitting there alone was Prof. Snape. So, rather than wander around the town in boredom until the trip was over, I decided to go sit and talk with everyone's favourite Potions Master. Or at least my favourite Potions Master, and Professor. After all, what other member of the staff would cover for me?  
  
So I sat in the dark corner with him, and talked. We talked about many things: lessons, recent events and, in hushed voices, the stupidity of the other students. Especially the stupidity of the Gryffindors and their failed attempts at retribution. Their last endeavor was really laughable. I mean, what kind of idiot do they take me for, levitating a cupcake and expecting me to eat it? You would have to be pretty dense to fall for that!  
  
During our conversation, Snape suggested that I try a Cherry Blast. Apparently it was my mother's favourite drink during her school years. So, since I had nothing better to do, I ordered one. And finally found something worth appreciating in this hovel. A Cherry Blast first hits you with an overwhelming sourness, and then is almost sweet enough to make you sick. It is an amazing experience. And it was nice to know my mother a bit more, even if it's just a useless, random fact about her. Next trip to Hogsmeade I think I'll try to get Snape to tell me more. I have heard some stories, but only those that Father thought best showed Malfoy superiority. And he stopped telling me these stories after Draco was born. Yet another thing that changed after that little ferret was born.  
  
Sometimes I hate my brother so much, for taking away everything that I had. But it isn't his fault. It's Father's. But it's hard to hate Father, because I loved him to the stars and back once. It seems like a lifetime ago though.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, I have a very interesting incident to tell you today, diary dearest. The rumor mill is working overboard, and I'm certain that Bill Weasley is behind it. They have finally found a way to attack me, but I won't give them the pleasure of letting this affect me. In fact, maybe I can make I work for me.  
  
So, here's what happened. Apparently the Gryffindors saw me drinking with Prof. Snape at Hogsmeade. And decided that it would be entertaining to suggest that something more was going on between the Potions Master and me. Of course, this is no proof of any such affair. I know for a fact that Snape is still in love with his ex-fiancée, Circe Dumbledore. Yes, Dumbledore. The daughter of our "beloved" headmaster.  
  
Anyways, as for me I would never for a second consider doing such a thing. I mean, he's the same age as my father!!! The whole idea is so completely preposterous!  
  
But this could work for my advantage. I'm not sure how, but there must be a way. Even if all this does is distract Weasel enough that his grades fall even more below mine. If he is really concentrating on my reaction, I may even be able to surpass him in Transfiguration.  
  
So, I've set my course and it is time to set sail in the chaotic sea known as Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
My plan is going well. I can feel eyes on me all the time, waiting to find some proof that Snape and I have more than a mere teacher-student relationship. I've made sure not to allow the rumor to die, hoping to through off Weasley even more. I wonder if I could even convince him that the rumor is true? That would be a riot!  
  
Luckily, Snape allows this. Since we both know that there is absolutely no foundation of this lie, he doesn't mind perpetuating it. And I relish it, because really it is SO much fun!!! I even have most of the Slytherins now convinced that Snape is my lover. My lover! How incredibly absurd!  
  
Lucia  
  
PS I even forced a reaction from Father! He sent me this letter, saying that this behavior was completely unrespectable and unlike a Malfoy. I wonder who his source at Hogwarts is? I thought at first it might be Snape, but obviously not. Anyways, I burned the letter without replying. Let Father stew in that for a bit.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco smiled at his sister's last comments. He had a vague recollection of that year, and knew Lucia had indeed managed to upset Father. But he shuddered at the thought of anyone being in a relationship with Snape. Especially a 13-year-old girl. How repulsive!  
  
(A/N Take that all you Hermione/Snape people. I don't mean to be insulting, but I have never found a realistic story about that couple. Then again, any such pairing contradicts my Snape and Circe stories, so I may be a bit biased. But still, there is such an age gap that is really is rather repulsive. Also hope you guys who are always asking for more of Draco liked the beginning.  
  
And now on to the thank yous (who could have seen that coming! LOL)  
  
Guardian of Lost Souls: I would love to see that multi-coloured mansion too! Also I really liked being able to put the sweet chapter up, because the story is going to get progressively darker as we go on.  
  
Vicious Rebel: I love this story too. It is very dear to me, which is why I update as fast as I can.  
  
Never You Mind: I'm glad you can really see what Lucia is going through, because so can I. I feel very connected to Lucia, for better or worse.  
  
Emma: Of course I plan to continue this story. If not, Lucia would get really pissed off at me! I'm also considering writing a companion piece to it, of events from someone else's POV. But I'm not going to tell you who just yet.  
  
Aurelia: Hey again. I'm glad you like the chapter. Also, I feel your pain about Lucia. But, as I said at the beginning of this chapter, you have to know that it can't end happy. Because trust me, if it did the Harry Potter universe would be different than it is, and I'm not about to go contradicting JK Rowlings anymore than I have to.  
  
Darcel: Thanks for all your reviewing. All of you guys. It is the reviews that encourage me to update faster. Thank you SO MUCH!!! (Sorry Darcel for turning your thank you into a group one)  
  
Jeanne: I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations. Thanks again for the Alan Rickman story, he is a god, even if he is 57!!!) 


	7. Isolation

Chapter Seven: Isolation  
  
(A/N Well, I finally managed to find time to write this chapter! I've been incredibly bogged down with school lately. Sorry about the delay. Hope you like this new chapter. Also just noticed that the previous chapter was labeled as Chapter Five, when it was really Chapter Six. OOPS!)  
  
Draco knew he'd reached summertime after Lucia's third-year. He remembered the summer vividly, for he and his family had journeyed all over the world. It was one of his happiest family memories. Even the inevitable visits to see Dark witches and wizards had been overshadowed by the joy of the holiday. Father actually seemed happy, as did his mother. Draco of course was thrilled. And Lucia.he suddenly realized that he couldn't remember what his sister thought about the trip. He couldn't even remember he being there.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I HATE MY FATHER!!! SO, SO MUCH!!!! I cannot believe what he's done! I don't even know how he managed to do it! DAMN HIM!!!  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Ok, ok, I'm under control. Poor diary, you must be very confused. Especially since I haven't written in you since the beginning of summer, and tomorrow is the start of my 4th-year. But there was nothing to tell. Absolutely nothing. Because I spent the entire summer here, at Hogwarts.  
  
Yes, I know it's shocking. And is still have no idea how Father arranged this, or why Dumbledore would agree. But apparently he and Mother and Draco are on some long holiday, and there wasn't a feasible way for them to meet up with me. Yeah, sure Father.  
  
I mean, honestly, how hard would it be? Just apparate here, get me, apparate back. Or create a portkey! But, obviously that didn't happen. And I've been stuck here the entire summer. It's not so horrible, really. If I didn't know what my parents and spoiled-brat brother were doing, I would actually be relieved to avoid them. But a trip around the world!!!  
  
Well, I'll end this before it turns into a rant against my father. Who I hate beyond words.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
People here a sheep. Stupid sheep who can't think for themselves. They just flock around a leader, like Bartleby or myself. And it sickens me to have to lead those fools.  
  
None of them, not one, even noticed that I wasn't on the train. How insulting. They say I'm their friend, but they're only around me for the prestige of following a Malfoy, not to mention one the top students in the school. Also, they're all afraid of me. Well they should be. None of them has close to my talent, or power. As Father always said, my blood is the purest of the pure. Only the Jacobis even compare to a Malfoy.  
  
But I don't even care anymore. It may sound like I do, but I don't. I swear I don't. And, diary, don't even suggest that by saying this I'm trying to convince myself. I'm not. I'm sure I'm not.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I've been looking over my old entries in this diary. What a fool I was! I mean, all the talk about loving this school and pleasing Father. As if anything I could ever do would be another for him. I still work hard, but now it's for myself. And, now I hate this school.  
  
This has to be the most boring place ever. And the rules. At least at home I had the freedom to go where and when I pleased, within limit of course. But here I have to go to class, eat at specific times, and be in bed at a certain time. I wish I could be free from all this, but I know I have to keep going on.  
  
I'm so bored here though. Even the rumor about my relationship with Snape isn't entertaining anymore. Now everyone's talking about Bartleby, our new prefect, and how to stay on his good side. Well, maybe that's just the Slytherins, not everyone, but who cares about the other houses. They're all even worse than my housemates, who I still consider stupid sheep. I'm spending more time on my own now, happily. It's what I did in first-year, when I was actually happy. And now that my power and status is secure - I'm a shoe-in for prefect next year - I don't need to worry about gathering it. I'll just keep my marks up, and keep those idiots away, and maybe Hogwarts will at least be bearable.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, I spoke too soon. Prof. Trelawney apparently thought it would be amusing to randomly pair her students up in Divinations, regardless of what house we were in. Of course such a thing would happen when we have class with Gryffindor. And of course I would end up being paired with the person I loathe most in the world, besides my father, Bill Weasley.  
  
So now I'm stuck working with him on this huge project that will take at very least two-weeks to complete. It involves using many different divination methods, and then checking for accuracy. Which means I can't fake it, apparently. Too bad, making up predictions was one of the few semi-amusing things at this school.  
  
Well, I'm stuck with the Weasel now, so I might as well make the most of it. At least I know he won't get a higher mark then me, not that he ever does. Except in Transfigurations, but I swear McGonagall plays favourites!  
  
Lucia  
  
PS Trelawney got a really strange look in her eyes when she read my name, and then Weasley's. It was really peculiar. If the sorry excuse for a professor had any talent in divining, I would even think perhaps that pairing was dictated by a vision, or something. But that's crazy, isn't it?  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, I spent the whole night in the library, with Weasley. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, though it was a trying night.  
  
First of all, he was late. I had been waiting for a good fifteen minutes when he finally appeared. Even worse, I had to swallow my insulting remark, because fighting would not be conducive for our project's completion.  
  
I was hoping that we could just work in silence, but apparently Weasley had other ideas. We were both starting in on our astrology charts when he started talking to me about Quidditch. That stupid sport. I could never understand why everyone gets so excited about it. All it is is some stupid people riding on brooms, chasing each other and some stupid balls. Did I mention it's stupid!  
  
Anyways, this year Gryffindor is almost guaranteed to win the Quidditch cup, because of Weasley's brother, Charlie. And apparently this makes that Weasel think he's a big hotshot, as well as an expert on Quidditch. It was all I could do to not hex him when he kept going on, and on, and on.  
  
To top things off, Weasley is apparently incompetent when it comes to making a star-chart. I had to double-check every single thing he did, and make him redo most of it. The final product was a mess that we couldn't possible hand in, so I was forced to insist on doing it all over. Well, Weasley didn't particularly agree with this idea, so now I'm the one who's going to have to make a good copy of his mess.  
  
I can't wait till this project is over.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Somehow I'm going to make it through this year without killing Bill Weasley. I've promised myself that I will stay in control. But he makes it so difficult!  
  
I've never been that strong when it came to tealeaves, but I do well enough to still have the top marks in the class. But Weasley was practically lecturing me on it tonight, after dispensing with his commentary on the latest Gryffindor-Slytherin match, which his house easily won. Even when I told him that I don't watch or care about Quidditch, he would not shut up. And then he turned his attention to my work, and began to pick apart every part of it.  
  
Eventually he made me start over, saying that I had already messed up beyond anything he could remedy. The nerve of him! The arrogance! Thinking that he, a mere Weasley, an insult to purebloods everywhere, could lecture me on anything. But once again I had to swallow my pride, and did what he instructed.  
  
When we had finally finished to his satisfaction, it was well past time to be in bed. So we both were forced to sneak into our dorms. I hear that Filch caught Weasley! Serves him right! I on the other hand used the passage through the Dungeon, thus avoiding any professor besides Snape, who I can always count on to look the other way. Surprisingly I didn't meet him on the way. Maybe it's for the best, because I know that the ridiculous rumor wasn't so amusing to him as it was to me. After all, any truth in such an allegation would result in his immediate sacking, and the odds of him finding any employment afterwards in teaching Potions, let alone the Dark Arts, would be next to impossible. Lucky for him that rumor is completely unfounded.  
  
Anyways, it's late, and I need my sleep if I'm going to survive that last days of working with Weasley.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, I have survived another year at this school. It was filled with many trials, not the least of which was working with my sworn-enemy. And now I'm going home. Yes, home.  
  
Apparently Father has decided that at fifteen I'm old enough to stay home by myself, while he and Mother and Draco continue to journey around. I don't mind though, because at least I'll be on my own, and free from the restrictions of Hogwarts. I can live by myself in the library, reading all the time, eating when I want to, sleeping when I want to. Freedom and solitude will be mine, and maybe I'll actually be happy again.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco could see the beginnings of the Lucia he knew in these pages. The loner, who shunned all company, always wore black, was constantly reading or working, rarely spoke to him or any other family member, and had a darkness that clung about her. This was the sister he had memories of. This was the person Lucia had become.  
  
(A/N Wow, that chapter practically wrote itself. Lucia really has gained a life of her own. Sorry again for the delay, I hope the wait was worth it. I really, really enjoy writing this story. It's one of my favourite things that I've ever written.  
  
And now, as always, thanks to my reviewers:  
  
Opal-star: I'm not sure exactly which earlier review was yours, but thanks for it anyways.  
  
Lady of the Night: I know what you mean. I can really visualize everything. I even drew a picture of Lucia, when she's in 7th-year, which I will put on the Internet eventually, most likely when I finally write that chapter, which is going to be one of the last chapters, and one of the most important.  
  
Guardian of Lost Souls: I know this story keeps getting darker and sadder. I wish it didn't have to, but it does. And about your suspicions, you're on the right track, but not quite there. Then again, I wouldn't tell you what's going to happen anyways. HE HE HE (evil laugh), you'll just have to wait and see.  
  
Darcel: Hope the wait didn't annoy you too much. I was totally busy. Though I do have good news. I got accepted to my first choice university for next year. YEAH!!!  
  
Jeanne: You'll be seeing more of Lucia and how she deals with men soon, I promise. Though you've already seen a lot about Bill, but then again he's still a boy, or at very least a guy (it goes from boy to guy to man in my world, though we can be girls for a long time, and then eventually become women, with no middle ground). I actually don't mind the Hr/D. They actually are responsible for my growing fascination with Draco. Though I admit, some of them are really, REALLY lame. It has to be believable for me to pay any attention to it. My fav one of these stories is "Forbidden Temptations", if anyone cares to read it.  
  
Aurelia: I'm glad you finally reviewed, I was wondering when you would. I even avoided writing this story a bit (this was before I had so much work that I had no time to write it), because you hadn't reviewed yet. Also glad that you like this. And of course I'll keep the chapters coming, hunny!!!) 


	8. Masked Darkness

Chapter Eight: Masked Darkness  
  
(A/N A treat for all my great readers. Two chapters in one day!!! Once again, Lucia has a life of her own and practically writes her own story.)  
  
Draco's soul felt sick. He couldn't keep reading; he had to leave this room that suddenly had seemed darker and colder. His mind raced, trying to absorb what had happened to his sister. He knew the end, but had never experienced the entire journey. He wasn't done yet, but knew that for tonight he was done traveling the path of Lucia's life.  
  
*~*~*  
  
It was a few days before he felt able to return, and continue reading the private, innermost confessions of the Malfoy firstborn.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I have spent most of this summer alone. I think Father, Mother and Draco have been home for less than 5 days the entire time. Not that I care. In fact, I relish the freedom. Especially in the library.  
  
I made a discovery today. On the top shelf of the highest bookshelf I found something Father must pretend we don't have, if he even knows of its existence. I found Muggle books! I know, it's amazing! Muggle books in a pureblood library! I actually don't think Father could know about them, because he would have destroyed anything remotely connected with such things. I'm glad he didn't.  
  
I've been reading them all day. Most of them are by Muggle poets, with names such a Wordsworth, Shelley, Dickens, and many others. I really like this Muggle-stuff. It's surprisingly good. I would never have though Muggles capable of such work.  
  
I like one poet particularly. Her name is Emily Jane Bronte. Her poems really remind me of my own life. I think I'm going to try to write poems.  
  
Here's my favourite poem, by Emily Bronte:  
  
Riches I hold in light esteem  
And Love I laugh to scorn  
And lust of Fame was but a dream  
That vanished with the morn -  
  
And if pray, the only prayer  
That moves my lips for me  
Is - 'Leave the heart that now I bear  
And give me liberty.'  
  
Yes, as my swift days near their goal  
'Tis all that I implore -  
Through life and death, a chainless soul  
With courage to endure!  
  
I wish I could be a "chainless soul", and be free. But I doubt that will ever happen. I am a Malfoy, and because of this I will be expected to marry well, and have many children. Hopefully male children, to carry on the tradition. I hope I never have daughters, because I wouldn't wish my fate on anyone.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today, I made myself a mask. Well, not an actual mask, but it might as well be. For my birthday, Mother sent me a makeup kit. Mostly full of childish colours: purples, pinks and blues. But, it also had black eyeliner, and black mascara. When I use that, my eyes seem dark and deadly. I spent hours in front of the mirror, working on what I call my "death glare". I think it is very good. Especially with darkness around my silver bullet eyes.  
  
The only problem with this was them I seemed colourless. So, I found some dark auburn lipstick, and used it. With that last adjustment, my mask was complete. I don't look like an innocent, pretty girl. I look older, harder, and dangerous. Which is how I wanted to look.  
  
This mask will make it impossible for people to mistake who I am. A powerful force to be reckoned with, a Malfoy. I may hate my father, but I am proud of my heritage. Probably because of Father, and his lessons when I was young. Try as I might, I still fall under his power. But now I feel, and look, tougher and stronger. I'm not a little girl anymore. I have a woman's body and mind. I don't think I've really been allowed to be a child since my brother was born. Or, as I like to call it, my own personal Doomsday.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I was looking over the last entry, and wished to explain in more depth the final comments, about Draco's birth being my Doomsday. I love my brother, more than he will ever know. And I know he doesn't have it all that easy. He may be the favourite child, but he is also a boy. This means more is expected of him than ever was of me. But, while what I achieve goes all but unnoticed, Draco's achievements will be proclaimed for all to see, if they are good. I hope for his life that they are good.  
  
Poor little ferret. I wonder if he even knows what's in store for him?  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco felt unexpected tears cloud his eyes. It was a shock, for he was never one to cry. He had been taught from early on that crying was weakness, especially in one such as himself. A Malfoy, and male. But reading his sister's declaration of love, and finally finding someone who understood what his life was such a powerful thing. He wished desperately that he had known Lucia more. He wished that he had someway of learning about her other than in her writing. He wished that she were still alive.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, I'm on the Hogwarts Express once again. Since I have already read far into my texts and triple-checked all my homework, I finally found time to work on my budding poetry. Most of what I wrote this summer was trash, but this one seems pretty good. What do you think, dearest of diaries?  
  
Here and now, I feel that I'm embracing freedom,  
Even though I may be alone, but that's ok  
  
Through the darkness I would walk in the streets,  
Confessions never seemed to provide me with release,  
But nothing could separate this burdened mind from me.  
  
Absence is never the answer, I know, But it serves as my shade,  
My world will never change.  
  
A bit depressing at the end, but realistic. I hate my situation, yet I know I'm trapped in it.  
  
I know it doesn't rhyme, but I like it. I prefer free verse for my own writing. It gives me the freedom denied by everything else.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, this school year looks like it might be somewhat interesting. As expected, I am a Slytherin prefect, along with Loki. We had our first meeting today. The Head Boy is Gryffindor, the Head Girl is Ravenclaw. Not much support there. But it doesn't really matter. Slytherin is the most feared and powerful house anyways.  
  
I spent most of the meeting practicing my "death glare" on the new Gryffindor prefects, Weasley and Daniels of course. Very entertaining.  
  
After the meeting, which was just to deal with assigning shifts and areas and all that boring prefect stuff, I walked back with Bartleby. He seems to be very appreciative of my mask. I mean, he used to look before, but now he's leering, and forgetting about all the other girls, even those that practically throw themselves at him.  
  
This could be an interesting development.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Bartleby and I have been out terrorizing the younger students. It was SO fun. We've been doing that more and more often. It's the best way to keep them in check, and have Slytherin reign supreme. After all, we don't have a shot at the Quidditch Cup anymore, not with Charlie Weasley playing like he is. As much as it pains me to admit it, Weasel's brother is quite good. I found myself watching the latest match, and he was rather impressive. Too bad his family has such a poor reputation that he was placed in Gryffindor. Slytherin could use such a player.  
  
But, as it is, we'll just have to get our kicks out of ruling the school through tyranny. Which, for myself, is certainly more entertaining than beating them on the Pitch. Granted, it is rather cruel, but Slytherin is supreme, and the other houses need to recognize it.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today is my sixteenth birthday. Surprisingly enough, Father actually sent me a present. A small silver dagger, which apparently is an heirloom of the Malfoy family. It's perfect for cutting in potions class, because it is more precise than the school equipment. I wonder why Father sent it to me, rather than saving it for Draco?  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
My relationship with Bartleby Jacobi has reached a new step. He kissed me today, and tried to go farther, but I stopped him. And told him that if he wanted to get anything from me, he had to do something first. Become Head Boy. I wonder if he'll do it?  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I have to apologize for the shortness of my latest entries. I've been really throwing myself into my schoolwork this year. I don't know why, expect that I want dominance over Weasley. I finally am beating him in every subject, except McGonagall's. I also have been continuing to work on my poems. I have a new one that I'm have been writing for the past week. I think that when it's done, I'll write it nicely on parchment, and put that parchment in here. Then I can take it out and work on it later, if I want to.  
  
*~*~*  
  
(On a piece of parchment)  
  
Passion chokes the flower, Until she cries for more, Possessing all the beauty, Hungry still for more.  
  
Heaven holds a sense of wonder, And I wanted to believe, That I'd get caught up  
  
When the rage in me subsides. In this white wave I am sinking, In this silence.  
  
Give me release, Witness me, I am outside, Give me peace.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Another year has come to an end. It was an interesting year. I left behind past things: playing foolish pranks, keeping rumors alive, socializing with those in the younger years, and even the stupid girls in my year. Now I stick with Bartleby, and hope that next year he becomes Head Boy. I don't know what I'll be to him next year, though it will be more than just another whore.  
  
I'm glad to be going home. It's easier to think there, in solitude. I have found myself to be getting very dark. You may have not noticed it in my small entries, but others have. Even Dumbledore noticed. I have been isolating myself, and concerned only with work. I don't know whether this is a good or a bad thing. The Headmaster seemed to think it horrible, but then again I never much cared for his opinion anyways.  
  
This summer I know I have a lot of things to think about and work out. I'll tell you when I do.  
  
Lucia  
  
(A/N Sorry, no ending with Draco this time. Mentioned more of him than usual at the beginning. Anyways, sorry again for the delay. Hopefully this double douse of updates will make up for it. And, we're nearing the most important chapters of this story, and Lucia's life. Also, I hope you all noticed that this chapter contained the first admission that Lucia will die.  
  
I'd like to take a moment here to tell of my sources for the poems. The first poem is indeed by Emily Bronte, author of Wuthering Heights, a very good book that I highly suggest reading. Lucia's two poems are re-workings by me of lyrics from the group Delerium. The first poem is from "A Poem for Bysantium", featured on the album Poem, and the second one is from "Silence", on the album Karma. I will have many more poems that are actually song lyrics, because many of these songs inspired Lucia's story, and also capture her darkness more than I am able to, or want to. Lucia is such a powerful character that sometimes it is hard not to be drawn into her, but I'm not her and don't want to be. So by using these lyrics I think I will be able to keep some distance. Plus, being not nearly as dark as she is, I don't think my poetry would be as believable.  
  
Anyways, I realize this chapter was posted before many of my return reviewers had a chance to review, which is why I only have one person to thank at the end of this chapter. Darcel, I hope you get into college, I'm sure you can do it. But, I hope none of you mind that I don't say what university I'm going to. I like to keep any identifying information off the Internet. Any, as for Lucia and Bill, just wait and see.) 


	9. Dark Descent

Chapter Nine: Dark Descent  
  
Sixth-year. The year Draco knew had been his sister's worst. He knew the next entries would be the hardest to read, because they would tell of Lucia's complete plummet into darkness.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I can't believe I used to love this home! I mean, what was I thinking? It is the most boring place, filled to the brim with stupid house-elves that quack at the sight of me, and dust old books, all of which I've already read by this point!  
  
At least I don't have to deal with Father. I haven't seen him or Draco all summer. I bet I would hardly recognize ferret-boy, it's been so long since I saw him. I've seen Mother a few times, not that she really matters in my life. She never has, except for that one summer. But really, there is no mother-daughter bond at all. I'm not sure if she's even capable of it.  
  
But I didn't take you out just to complain about things. Really, I didn't. I have much more interesting news for you.  
  
Bartleby sent me an owl yesterday. He's this year's Head Boy. I have to admit, I'm impressed. He managed to bring his marks up a lot. When I told him he needed to do that if he wanted me, there were at least three boys with higher marks in his year. I'm glad I don't have that trouble. I'm practically guaranteed to be Head Girl next year. Though, with my luck, Weasley will be Head Boy.  
  
I'll deal with that next year though. Right now, I have to think about Bartleby. The biggest player in all of Hogwarts. I refuse to be just another slut that falls into bed with him. I have to think about how to keep this relationship going. The Malfoy name will help, but I'll need more than that. Of course, I have to use my body. That's what women have always had to do, to keep men around. Why should I be any different? But, as I said before, I will not be another of his whores.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
(On a piece of parchment)  
  
Here's a new poem. I don't know why I wrote it, it just seemed right.  
  
Where once was light Now darkness falls Where once was love Love is no more Don't say goodbye Don't say I didn't try  
  
These tears we cry Are falling rain For all the lies you told us The hurt, the blame And we will weep to be so alone We are lost, we can never go home  
  
So in the end, I'll be what I will be No loyal friend was ever there for me  
  
These tears we cry, have come too late Take back the lies, the hurt, the blame And we will weep, when we face the end alone We are lost, we can never go home.  
  
I don't know what it means, do you diary? I wrote it in a trance almost. I can hardly remember writing a single word of it, I almost wrote itself. And I don't know why, I guess it's how part of me feels.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, back at Hogwarts once again. And glued to the new Head Boy's side. Bartleby's been parading me around like some sort of prize. Well, maybe I am a prize. I know Narcissa is. Like mother, like daughter? Beautiful and from a powerful family. That's all the requirements of a good wife.  
  
WIFE! That's a little long-term, don't you think? A bit scary. I don't think I would like to be married to Bartleby. I really don't. But it would be better than marring someone from a weak family, like say the Weasleys. I shudder at the thought. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Marriage is all about politics, so a Malfoy-Jacobi union might not be so bad.  
  
But that's so far in the future, I don't even need to consider it now.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, today my relationship with Bartleby took another step. Or at least, we were going to until that idiot Gryffindor Head Girl walked in on us.  
  
Bartleby had been trying to go further, but I hadn't been letting him. But, since it is Christmas and all, I decided to let him have some fun. It didn't really matter to me. I know I was being a tease, but it was the only way to make sure he stayed with me, instead of using me up and tossing me away like almost every other girl in the school. Okay, maybe that's being a bit overdramatic. At least most of the girls in his year. Even Ariel, the Head Girl. Which means she's out for vengeance. I expect soon all the school will be talking about me. Hey, it might even get Father's attention. Then again, he'd most likely be proud that I'm whoring myself to the Jacobi heir.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
This was such a HORRIBLE day!!!  
  
Firstly, this morning Bartleby and I had a huge fight. I have so far refused to f*** him, and he's beginning to get upset. He actually HIT me!!! I have a bruise on my arm from it, which luckily my robes cover up. He reminds me so much of my father at times like that. The abuse I've seen my mother go through! But, that's a woman's lot in life. To be used and abused by a man. And controlled. I try to keep some control over the relationship, but it's almost impossible.  
  
When, then after fixing myself up from the fight, I was late for Transfiguration. It figures that I would have a double class with that b**** McGonagall first thing, instead of something good like Potions. Anyways, I got twenty points off for being late, and throughout the class ended up losing Slytherin twenty more. And to make things worse, I had to put up with the Weasel's superior smirk the whole time.  
  
Merlin, sometimes I wish I could just use an Unforgivable on him.  
  
The high point of the day came in Potions class. We were chopping mandrake, and I accidentally cut my finger. Snape used a quick healing charm, and told me to go to the Hospital Wing to have the scar it left removed. But I don't think I will. I like the scar. A band of silver along my finger. And the pain wasn't so bad. Actually, I rather enjoyed it. It reminds me that I can still feel.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Well, I've made up with Bartleby, by letting him go to what the juvenile boys in our house refer to as "third base". He seemed to enjoy it, though I didn't. As soon as he was done, I went to the Prefect's bathroom and took a very long, very hot bath.  
  
After my bath, I decided to try something. I took at my dagger - the one Father sent me for my 16th birthday - and made a small cut on my arm. Not very deep or very long. Just a little C-cut. It immediately turned red with blood, and was deliciously painful. I used the same spell as Snape did to heal it up, leaving a beautiful silver C on my arm. I made another C on my other arm, and did the same thing.  
  
When I got back to my room, I immediately started looking for those long, black gloves I bought a few years ago. I took them out, and found that they cover perfectly the scars, as well as the rest of my lower arm. Which leaves me with many possibilities.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco remembered those gloves. He had always loved them, there were so long and shiny black. He had always begged Lucia to let him where them. Now the memory made him sick.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Bartleby found out what I did to my arms today, and found it very sexy. Then he took out his own knife, and cut his name into my left arm. The pain was so perfect, and now he's marked me as his. And then, I finally gave him everything he wanted.  
  
Sex wasn't as painful as I thought it would be, or hoped it would be. It wasn't pleasant either though.  
  
Anyways, graduation is coming up, and I have to make sure my marks are the highest, so I'll be Head Girl next year. But, as Bartleby said, I'll always know who I belong too. He also said that he's going to talk to our Fathers about marriage. Now, I don't think I'd mind being his wife. The prestige would be great. Though it really doesn't matter what I think at all.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
(On a piece of parchment)  
  
Here's another poem, that I began writing a while ago. Again, I'm not exactly sure what it means. Maybe you can help?  
  
Bleak desolation  
  
In a beam of Sun  
  
Scraping as I crawl (Your heart can't hear me)  
  
Tearing bruising fall (Your hands can't hear me)  
  
Thirsting raging blind (Your eyes can't hear me)  
  
Racing against time (Your arms can't hear me)  
  
Like an angel you'll come  
  
In a dream, precious one  
  
Make me beautifully numb  
  
Desperate panicked calls (The wind can't hear me)  
  
Muffled weak and small (The sand can't hear me)  
  
Pleading groping hands (The truth can't hear me)  
  
Bleeding in the sand (Your heart can't hear me)  
  
Razor fingers cling (The wind can't hear me)  
  
Piercing demons sing (The sand can't hear me)  
  
Twisting hollow Hell (The truth can't hear me)  
  
Burning blisters swell (Your heart can't hear me)  
  
Sharp cut aching breath (Your arms can't hear me)  
  
Choking scent of death (Your hands can't hear me)  
  
Grueling jaw-bone grind (Your eyes can't hear me)  
  
Cursed by my own mind (Your heart can't hear me)  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco looked over the two poems, lying beside him on the floor. He wondered how Lucia could not see the desperate cry for help and love in them?  
  
*~*~*  
  
(A/N Well, not much to say about that. We're nearing the end of this story, and since school is almost over, expect that end to come soon.  
  
Lucia's two poems come from "Gollum's Song", from the movie The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, and from the Delerium song "Duende", on the album Karma.  
  
Thanks again to all by wonderful reviewers:  
  
Jeanne: I'm glad you liked the two-chapter treat. Slytherins are superior, or at least they like to think they are. Glad you like it.  
  
Serpena: I love the word excellent. Thanks for using it. I hope to begin updating faster, as school is coming to a close.  
  
Opal Star: More excitement is on the way. HE HE HE!!! As is said before, I will hopefully be updating lots in the near future.  
  
Antarian Princess: First of all, I hope you don't mind me making your name two words. It makes my computer happier. Secondly, Emily Bronte totally rocks. I had to do a project on Wuthering Heights last semester, and loved it. I must read it again sometime, along with her poems. I got the poem from the last chapter from a biography of her, titled A Chainless Soul, which I totally recommend. Also, I know this story is heartbreaking. I'm on the verge of bawling, and I wrote the thing!!!  
  
Darcel: Glad you understand why I'm not telling. But you are on the right track, I'll say that much.  
  
Aurelia: I don't want her to die either! I really, REALLY don't. But she has too. She would mess up the Harry Potter world if she was alive during any of the books. But trust me, it will be very angsty and very deep, like a good Malfoy death should be (I bet Lucius will die in the books, or at very least go to Azkaban.)  
  
Atari420: Yeah, kick ass!!! Always doing my best to add more.  
  
Anyways, that's about all, except YEAH, HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX IS ALMOST OUT!!!!!) 


	10. The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Chapter Ten: The Light at the End of the Tunnel  
  
(A/N In this chapter, I'm am going along with the typically accepted idea that the Head Boy and Head Girl share a Common Room. Though I do not believe there is proof of this, though I have been wrong before, though not often LOL, for the purpose of this story I will agree with it.)  
  
Draco turned the page, moving towards the seventh year, towards the chapter of Lucia's life filled with the greatest hate, and the greatest love.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I sent a letter to Bartleby today. I just found out for certain that I will be Head Girl next year, surprise surprise. Sadly, my suspicions on the identity of the Head Boy have been confirmed. For the entire of next year, I will be forced to spend considerable amount of time with Weasley. Even worse, I have heard that another brother, Percy, will be attending Hogwarts this year. Will I never be free of those Weasels?  
  
Anyways, as I said I wrote to Bartleby today. Father let my use his owl, Hades, as a reward for my appointment as Head Girl. Or so he said. More likely he wants to send me to the Jacobis as fast as possible after graduation, so he doesn't have to divert even the slightest bit of attention away from precious little Draco. He's eight years old now, so not really that little. And not really that precious, or so it would seem by the way Father treats him. As much as I despise my father, I know I had things easier with Lucius than Draco does, because nothing was ever expected of me. No expectations, or unattainable expectations, which is worse? I truly don't know. Neither gets any recognition for a job well done though.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I haven't heard back from Bartleby at all. I'm getting a little worried, though I don't show it. That would be weakness.  
  
It's been a month since I sent my letter though. Tomorrow I return to Hogwarts. Then I'll make Loki tell me what is going on, even if I have to use all the hexes I know.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
DAMN HIM! DAMN BARTLEBY JACOBI TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I can't believe I let myself believe that Bartleby ever cared for me, or intended to marry me. I saw him use so many girls before, I was a fool to believe a word he said.  
  
The day I got back, I knew something was wrong. I had suspicions before, because of the silence from my would-be intended. Then I saw people snickering behind my back. The worst was Weasley, who I now practically live with.  
  
Finally it was too much, so I found Loki, and tortured the secret out of him. I didn't use any Unforgivables, but was close enough to be expelled without question if it was ever figured out. It won't be, of course.  
  
So, after about 15 minutes he finally collapsed, and told me what had happened. Apparently, Bartleby spend his entire summer f***ing anyone and everyone he could. Loki knew of at least 20 girls!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I hate him, I hate him so much. And I hate myself for putting myself in this position.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
My world is falling apart. Even Father has noticed, lowering himself enough to actually send me a howler, deriding me for my falling marks. At least I was in my room, but I think that Weasley heard. Oh well, what do I care about marks? There just random numbers.  
  
My only refuge is the knife, and my poems. Silver lines almost every inch of my arm. Rage-filled stanzas cover parchment that before would be used taking detailed notes. I don't care anymore. I deserve the pain, letting myself be so used. So I run to the blade of my dagger, and the point of my pen.  
  
I wish I were dead.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
(Written on parchment)  
  
I tried to kill the pain,  
  
But only brought more, So much pain.  
  
I lay dying,  
  
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal.  
  
I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming  
  
Am I too lost to be saved?  
  
Am I too lost?  
  
My wounds cry for the grave  
  
My soul cries for deliverance  
  
Will I be denied? Tourniquet  
  
My suicide  
  
Below the poem, drawn roughly in ink, was a clearly recognizable hand, with a slash in the wrist gushing blood.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
This is great, just great!!! That damn Weasley has some nerve, sticking his ugly nose in my business! What right does he have, judging me? He has no concept of the hell of my life, a hell that he has helped create!!!!  
  
This is what happened. I left my new poem, the one with the drawing at the bottom, in our Common Room, for Merlin knows what reason. It just slipped my mind.  
  
So, after dinner when I came back to the Room, there was Weasley, staring in shock at the paper. He turned and looked at me, with horror- filled eyes. And then, his eyes dropped to my gloved arms, and for once he should that intelligence that McGonagall always raves about, the intelligence that earned him the position of Head Boy. He walked over to me, took me arm, and pulled the glove down, just far enough to see the scar- ravaged flesh. Then I pulled away from him, and we stared at each other wordlessly. Despite the silence, I could hear his condemnation, hear his mockery of me. So I walked away, came into my bedroom, and haven't left since.  
  
He is disgusted at me, at what I have become. Well, let him be. He is no innocent in driving me to this end.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Everywhere I go, I can feel him watching me. Those weasel eyes bore into me. It is very distracting. Not that it matters. I don't care about this stupid school anymore, or its marks. I have achieved what I set out to do. I am Head Girl. Why should I work anymore, when I can gain nothing of it? Others work hard to get into higher schools, or to land the best jobs. I care nothing for this. It was never in my destiny to work, or become more skilled than a Hogwarts graduate. All I have to look forward in life is being an accessory to some high-ranking pureblood wizard, at his beck and call 24/7.  
  
I don't like him watching me though.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Tonight was almost indescribable. I don't know what to make of it. But I'll try to put to paper the events of the last hour.  
  
In Potions class today we were working with monkshood, which as everyone knows can be extremely toxic, unless used properly. Still, I had to thoroughly clean my dagger off. I was doing this in the bathroom Weasley and I share when he walked in. The moment he saw what I held in my hands, he ran over and pulled it away from me, cutting his hand in the process.  
  
The idiot. He thought to protect me, and only ended up hurting himself. I don't need his protection! Anyways, I told him exactly what I thought of his actions, as he was leaving for the Hospital Wing. I yelled at him, calling him every insult I know, telling him to stay out of my life, because he knows nothing about me.  
  
And do you know what he said? "That's because you won't let me." And with that, he was gone.  
  
I tried to go to sleep, but couldn't get over what he said. And so I turned to you, dearest diary, my only true friend. The only one who will not judge me and the one who knows me best. And still, even rereading what I have written here, I don't know what to make of Weasley's words. I know them to be the truth. And I know that tonight the two of us have reached a new stage. I don't know what this stage is, but I know I will soon find out. And part of me can't wait.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Tonight was another interesting night. Bill came back from the Hospital Wing, and we talked. Merlin! I just called Weasley Bill!!! I know that is his given name, but I've never used it before, not by itself. What a change.  
  
So, it was awkward at first, sitting in our Common Room, just staring at each other. Then we began asking each other questions, silly insignificant questions like what are favourite colours are (silver and black for me, red and orange for him), favourite seasons (he was shocked when I said winter), etc.  
  
We talked for almost 2 hours, and came out of the discussion with a better understanding of each other. I'm not saying we're all of a sudden going to become best friends. But, we're no longer enemies.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Oh Merlin! I can't believe what happened barely ten minutes ago. Something that shakes me to the very core of my being.  
  
The day started innocently enough, with a regular trip to Hogsmeade. After ensuring all the students got to the town safely - a responsibility I have as Head Girl - I went to get myself Cherry Blast, sitting in the darkest corner in the tavern. Snape had some things to attend to, so I was alone with my drink and my thoughts.  
  
This solitude was spoiled by Bill (there I go again, calling him by his first name), when he came over. We talked again, testing out the limits of this new, almost-friendship we have. We talked and talked, over many, probably too many, drinks. Even though neither Cherry Blasts nor Butterbeer, which Bill was having, are alcoholic, they certainly do affect the drinker.  
  
We returned home staggering, though we were luckily able to keep our balance around the professors and Dumbledore. With my behavior this year, I have almost lost the Head Girl position a few times. Being unable to walk around the headmaster would certainly cause that to happen.  
  
We finally arrived at the Common Room, and I walked unsteadily towards my bedroom door. I wasn't able to make it, and Bill caught me. I looked up at him, his face so close to mine, his eyes staring into mine.  
  
I don't know who made the first move. I think we both did. I leaned up, he leaned down, and our lips touched.  
  
The kiss was so different from anything I experienced with that bastard Bartleby. It was simply yet so sweet. Short, yet perfect. But at the same time, terrifying. When it ended, I bolted out of his arms, and into the safety of my room.  
  
What am I going to do now?  
  
Lucia  
  
PS I realize it is pointless to ask you. As much as I love you, diary dear, you are not very forthcoming with your advice.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco laughed suddenly reading Lucia's post-script, then froze in shock as the sound filled the room. He waited, still as a statue, for almost five minutes before returning in ease to his sister's words.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm avoiding him. I know it. He knows it. And I can see the hurt in his eyes, whenever our gazes chance to meet. But, I think it is for the best. How could we ever think to be friends? We are too different. And to be more than friends would be impossible. Father would never allow it, and I dare not defy him.  
  
Yet, maybe I should, for I feel Bill's pain. I share it, because it's killing me inside to shut him out. I don't want to do it, I truly do not. But I think I have to.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I give up, it is too hard to deny that I want and need to be with Bill. But it has been two weeks since our kiss, and I'm afraid he will be too angry to forgive me. But I'm more afraid of not trying. So I wrote him this poem, leaving a piece of parchment with it written against his door, where he can't fail to find it.  
  
How can you see into my eyes,  
  
Like open doors?  
  
Leading you down into my core,  
  
where I've become so numb.  
  
Without a soul,  
  
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold,  
  
Until you find it there and lead it back home.  
  
Wake me up inside. I can't wake up. Save me.  
  
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
  
Bid my blood to run.  
  
Before I come undone.  
  
Save me from the nothing I've become.  
  
Now that I know what I'm without  
  
You can't just leave me.  
  
Breathe into me and make me real.  
  
I've been living a lie There's nothing inside.  
  
Frozen inside without your touch,  
  
Without your love, darling.  
  
Only you are the life among the dead.  
  
All of this sight  
  
I can't believe I couldn't see  
  
Kept in the dark,  
  
But you were there in front of me.  
  
I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.  
  
I've got to open my eyes to everything.  
  
Without a thought  
  
Without a voice  
  
Without a soul  
  
Don't let me die here There must be something more.  
  
Bring me to life.  
  
I hope to Merlin that Bill still wants to be with me.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm so sorry I haven't written in months. All my life, you have been a place for me to rant and rave against the world. But, I haven't needed you for so long it seems, because these last months have been pure happiness.  
  
Bill forgave me, and I haven't left his arms since. Well, not literally, but you know what I mean. But I could spend my entire life wrapped in his embrace, and be just as happy as I am now. I haven't felt anything close to this since my father rejected me for the all-important male heir.  
  
But now, I don't care about that. I have all I want in Bill. I have actual been living in his room for the last month, sleeping beside him. It is so different to be with someone who is gentle, someone who truly respects me, and who I truly respect. To love, and be loved in return.  
  
Tomorrow is graduation. What will happen after I leave Hogwarts? I have no answers to that. All I know is that without Bill I would be lost.  
  
Lucia  
  
(A/N Ah, isn't that so adorable. Ripped of a line from Moulin Rouge, but I don't care because it fits so well. Now I am tearing up. It's so nice to see Lucia happy again, it seems like so long since she was.  
  
This story is nearing its end. There are only two chapters left, and an epilogue. I will tell you all know, enjoy this happiness of Lucia's, for it won't last.  
  
And, both poems come from Evanescence, a group that really affected this story. The first poem is from "Tourniquet", and the second, which I'm certain many of you recognized, is from "Bring Me to Life".  
  
Ainsley Sloan: I REALLY like your review. It really is good for a writer's self-esteem. I also often find diary-fics dull, I couldn't even read the Diary of Anne Frank, and this is really one of my first times writing anything like this. Thank you so SO much for your lovely review, and I hope you like this new chapter, and that you will join the ever so great ranks of my return reviewers.  
  
Opal Star: As always, thanks for the review. And I can't wait for OotP!!! (see below for more of my views on that)  
  
Serpena: Sorry this update was slower than I thought it would be, but I had exams and stuff. Expect the rest of this story to be up soon, though they may not be depending on how hard I find it to kill off Lucia (I know how JK felt when she killed whoever she kills in HP5)  
  
Guardian of Lost Souls: I'm glad you're back, I missed your reviews. Hope you like this chapter.  
  
Japhia: Thank you for your review, though I would like to add that this is NOT a Mary Sue, thank MERLIN!!! I am happily nothing like Lucia because, though I love her dearly, the girl has issues.  
  
Fire'N'Ice: What a nice review! It does not make you a bad person, liking stories that make you cry. I also love them. My personal favourite of these is almost anything with Lupin, because I really feel for the poor guy, and especially the stories Someday Out of the Blue (a painfully sad Lupin/Snape story), and On a Winter's Night (a Lupin/Lily story). These are by two of my favourite authors, Lady Feylene and Auror Lupin. I also hate Lucius SO much, especially because of him in this story. Though, I noticed a while ago that the bastard is a character of some importance in all of my fan fiction. I also find it amazing how much of the story can be told through Lucia's words alone, though I also like the fact that much is left to the imagination. Hope you like this new chapter, because it adds another arrow, and I'm glad you finally discovered the story. Like I said to Ainsley, I hope that you become one of my return reviewers.  
  
Aurelia: Dear, dear Aurelia, who has been reviewing since chapter TWO!!! That is SO amazing. Thank you, thank you. And congrats on finishing exams today, so did I. No more high school exams for me EVER!!!!!!! Plus, I know it's horrible that Lucia started hurting herself, but it truly shows how dark she had become. I hope you like this happy chapter, even though as you well know Lucia will soon have to die (a good, angsty death).  
  
On a happier note, it is only 2 days until Order of the Phoenix. Sadly though, I will have to wait until at least Monday until I receive my pre- ordered copy, because I live in the middle of nowhere and it won't be delivered to me. Anyways, I want to express my hope that Black is the character to die, because I really hate him. This is because of my fierce loyalty to Severus Snape, of course. I could also see it being Dumbledore. I just really, REALLY hope it isn't either Snape or Lupin, because then I would be very pissed off at dear JK, and yell and scream at her for about an hour, especially since in another series of books I am reading, Star Wars: The New Jedi Order, my favourite character was just killed.) 


	11. Final Words

Chapter Eleven: Final Words  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm on the Hogwarts Express, and terrified. But happy beyond anything I've ever felt. I don't know what Father is going to do when he finds out about Bill. If he doesn't already know. Then again, I don't think he could, because for sure that would have attracted some sort of attention.  
  
I'll just have to wait and see, I guess. But whatever he does, I know I have to break free from Father, or die trying.  
  
Lucia  
  
PS Here's a little poem I wrote on the bus:  
  
It's running with the breezes, And laughing through the trees. Waiting there, Playing there, Calling for me  
*~*~*  
  
Draco re-read the last sentence over and over again. ".or die trying." It was really ironic, Lucia saying that. Finally he tore his eyes away from those words, continuing on towards the end.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I can't believe it. This is impossible.  
  
Bartleby is here. Yes, Bartleby, that bastard!!! I hate him so much, and can barely stand to look at him. Yet, he expects me to still think the world of him. And, how revolting is this, marry him.  
  
Yes, that bastard wants to marry me. Like hell!!!! I wouldn't touch him with 29-½ foot pole!!! Let alone be his wife.  
  
But Father wants me to. He's practically leaping for joy, at the thought of finally getting rid of me and making an alliance with the Jacobi heir at the same time. He practically burst out laughing when I said no. He doesn't think I have the courage to defy him, or the ability. Maybe he's right about the latter, but not the former. I don't know how I will escape this atrocity of a marriage, or this torture of a life, but I will. I swear, by my love for Bill, I will never marry Bartleby Jacobi.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
BY MERLIN, I can't believe what just happened. I can barely put it to paper legible, I'm still breathing so hard my sides are almost split.  
  
He tried to rape me. Bartleby came up, broke down the door and.I can't even remember what happened next. Some how I fought him off, but already the attack is being blocked out by my memory.  
  
I can't stay here any longer. I have a bag packed with some clothes, my wand, and a place for the only other thing dear to me, you. I have to leave this house.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm on the Knight Bus. I summoned it as soon as I past the edge of Father's land. Hopefully he didn't feel it draw near. Just in case, I won't leave anyone on this bus with memory intact. I can't risk anyone knowing where I'm going.  
  
And where am I going? Where else, the Burrows. The home of the Weasleys. I hope I'm not endangering them by fleeing here, but being with Bill is the only time I feel safe and secure.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm here now. It's late evening, the night after I arrived. Today was so amazing and full of freedom. I am so exhausted by the last day's activities, I can hardly hold this pen. But I had to tell you that I arrived safely.  
  
Bill is sleeping on a chair by the window, while he sacrificed his bed for me. Watching him sleep, I feel so much love for him I can't believe how much time we wasted in petty feuds.  
  
This place, the Burrows, is simply.brilliant. Just brilliant. I wish I could stay here forever and ever. But I know I can't. Bill believes I can, he thinks that we'll live happily ever after. But his optimism is blind. I know my Father, and I know the power he has. Now, I'm not even sure it is possible to escape him, especially with the Jacobi's aid.  
  
I know the truth. I can never hide from Lucius Malfoy. It would be like hiding from the Dark Lord Voldemort, if he ever regained power. I would not be the so-called "Boy Who Lived" Harry Potter for all the world, if that ever happened. Because, it is near impossible to disappear when pure evil is searching for you. Thus, I know the inescapable truth. Father will find me, and there will be hell to pay.  
  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco turned the page, and was met by blank parchment. Lucia's diary had finally come to an end.  
  
(A/N Don't worry, that is not the end of the story. I will tell you what happens to Lucia. But now the story will switch to being mostly the words of Draco.  
  
One chapter left!!! Plus the promised epilogue. Soon the entire life of Lucia Malfoy will be known.  
  
Fire'N'Ice: I'm scared to write the next chapter, because if you thought the other stuff was bad, well you haven't seen anything yet. I have to admit, I really don't think that Sirius will be the one to die, but I do predict that he won't be cleared of his "crimes" until the seventh book, so Harry will have to live with the Dursleys until then. Also, I'm sure that Lucius with either die, or spend the rest of his life in Azkaban. Damn bastard!  
  
Ainsley Sloan: Nice to see you and Fire back!!! You really are such nice reviewers!!! I was talking with my friend Mer, and she doesn't think that either Lupin or Snape will be killed, because they still have roles to fill in the Harry Potter saga. Not sure about Hagrid, and as I said above I really don't think Sirius will die, I just wouldn't mind if it was him. Mer personally thinks it will be Dobby, and I think that would be great, because I HATE that stupid house-elf, as I've said before. Damn annoying creature he is, with the ears and the third person references to himself. Anyways, thanks again for the review.  
  
Fantasy Angel: You're not pathetic. As I said, I'm getting teary eyed, and I wrote the damn thing. I always knew what would happen to Lucia, and still I'm crying. Thanks for that poem, I hope your friend doesn't mind me using it. I hope to update the next chapter relatively soon, though I'd like to give people time to review for this chapter before I do.  
  
Opal Star: I like to be evil, though if I could save Lucia I would.  
  
And for you reviewers who didn't get a chance to review this chapter, don't worry, I understand. As I told Angel, I plan to let you have a chance before I write the next chapter, especially because that chapter will be the hardest to write.) 


	12. The Death of a Malfoy

Chapter Twelve: The Death of a Malfoy  
  
(A/N OMG, the last chapter. I finally ran out of excuses not to write it! My computer crashed, but now it is obviously alive again. Plus, I read The Order of the Phoenix, and happily it does not affect this fan fic, it actually helps it a bit. Great book. Now reviewers may feel free to mention what happens (aka the identity of the dead person). Though, I will warn readers now that there is one spoiler of the end of HP5, concerning Lucius Malfoy. But I'm sure by now you have all read that book anyways, if you're so into reading fan fiction about Harry Potter. Well, that's about it for my last author's note before a chapter, because I won't do one before the prologue. Talk to ya later!)  
  
Draco flipped through the blank pages. They told the truth that Lucia's life was over. But Draco himself knew a little more of the ending, for he himself had witnessed it. Not every moment, but he could imagine what happened during the gaps.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco stood by the door, waiting for Father to come home. Lucius had left about an hour earlier, to bring back Lucia, Draco's now eighteen-year- old sister. Draco wanted to see what happened, because he knew that Lucia had been very bad, and had run away. And now Father had to go bring her back.  
  
Suddenly his father and sister stormed into the house. Draco had thought Lucia would be crying, but she wasn't making any sound. Lucius on the other hand was yelling so loud Draco's ears hurt. His father suddenly grabbed Lucia, and pulled her into the library. Draco followed.  
  
He would never forget what happened next. Lucius pulled out his wand, spoke a word sounding like "crusho" and Lucia fell on the ground, shaking. Draco watched in horrific wonder as his sister tried her best to hold in her screams, but finally failed. Her shrieks filled the air, until finally Father stopped, and left the room.  
  
Draco waited a long time, until he was sure that Lucius was gone. Then he walked towards his sister's form, lying still on the ground. He thought she was dead. Then suddenly she gasped, and struggled to her feet, falling the first and second attempt. When she was finally standing, Lucia looked down at her brother.  
  
"Go away, ferret. I don't want you to get in trouble too." Then she staggered out of the room, and up the stairs.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco never saw her alive again, once she ordered him away. That night she wrote three letters: one to her parents, one to her brother, and one to Bill Weasley. Draco found all three letters hidden behind the false staircase in Lucius' study. He would never have dared such a violation of Lucius' private space, if his father weren't a safe distance away, locked up in Azkaban. This night Narcissa was visiting him, so Draco had a freedom rarely found by either of the Malfoy children at home.  
  
As Draco read the letters, he could imagine his sister sitting in her room, late that night so long ago, pen marking down her final thoughts.  
  
*~*~*  
  
To my tormentor, my torturer, my slave master, my father,  
  
You are finally free of me forever. I'm sure you'll celebrate, having led your firstborn child to such drastic action. I don't want to waste words or time on you, so I leave you with just one thing, a poem, something Muggles and I both do, and enjoy.  
  
Now I will tell you what I've done for you,  
  
Fifty thousand tears I've cried.  
  
Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you,  
  
And you still won't hear me  
  
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies,  
  
So I don't know what's real and what's not.  
  
Always confusing the thoughts in my head,  
  
So I can't trust myself anymore.  
  
I'm dying again.  
  
I'm going under,  
  
I'm falling forever.  
  
So go on and scream,  
  
Scream at me, I'm so far away.  
  
I won't be broken again.  
  
Never yours,  
Lucia Malfoy  
  
PS Mother, this has nothing to do with you. Nothing I ever did had anything to do with you, except for that one summer. And it was a fantasy world never to be recaptured.  
  
*~*~*  
  
The next letter was addressed to Draco, but he had never set eyes on it before, nor even known of its existence.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco, my precious little ferret,  
  
All your life, you have been a reminder of what I lost when you, the male Malfoy heir, was born. But despite all this, I do love you so much. Never forget that you had a sister who loved you.  
  
I hope desperately that someday you are able to free yourself from the chains that are the name Malfoy. I want the best for you. You deserve it, having survived the hell that I could not.  
  
It will be a tough road, but I know you can do it. I love you, little ferret.  
  
Love always,  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco read his letter many times over. Every time it brought tears to his eyes, knowing that Lucia had cared. And realizing how much he had loved and admired his big sister. He had never told her.  
  
The next letter, like his, was unopened. It was addressed to Bill, with a desperate plea from Lucia that someone would send it to her love. No one had. Draco was the first person to lay eyes on the tear-stained page since Lucia.  
  
*~*~*  
  
My dearest Bill,  
  
Thank you for everything. You made life worth living, if only for a short time. I wish so much that we hadn't spent all those years fighting. Words cannot express how much I love you.  
  
I don't want you to blame yourself for what happened. It was only one person's fault, and we both know who that is. As I said, you made life worth the pain, and I thank you so much for that. I hadn't felt true happiness for ten years, until you came into my life. But even that only delayed the inevitable. There was no way to escape who I am, no matter how hard we would have tried. And in trying, I would have destroyed you. And I could never do that.  
  
So, please Bill, go on. Find someone else, start a family, and have a great life. I love you so much, so very much. And because of that love, I need you to live without me.  
  
Hold on to me love,  
  
You know I can't stay long  
  
All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid.  
  
Can you hear me?  
  
Can you feel me in your arms?  
  
Holding my last breath.  
  
Safe inside myself,  
  
Are all my thoughts of you.  
  
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight.  
  
I'll miss the winter,  
  
A world of fragile things.  
  
Look for me in the white forest  
  
hiding in a hollow tree, Come find me.  
  
I will always love you,  
Lucia  
  
*~*~*  
  
Draco carefully placed the letters back into their envelopes, and placed them back in their hiding place. Then he started walking upstairs, towards his room. He would never go in Lucia's again, now that he had journeyed through her life. He couldn't bear to stand in the room where she had once stood, pointed her wand at her chest, and spoken "avada kedavra".  
  
(A/N There, it's done. Well, except for the epilogue, which I promise is coming within the next few days. Oh yeah, and the poems are once again from Evanescence, the first is from "Going Under", and the second is from "My Last Breath". I love that group, in case you hadn't noticed.  
  
Fire'N'Ice: I hope it wasn't too hard to read, though I wouldn't be surprised. I was surprised with how Draco's letter was what affected me most. I expected it to be Bill's. Anyways, Lucius is in Azkaban now, though I'm sure he won't be there long, sadly enough. My friend who though Dobby would die and I both agree that Lucius will suffer greatly in the books though, so WOOHOO!!!  
  
Guardian of Lost Souls: Well, I hope you didn't go insane. I also had computer problems, but they're over enough that I can finish this story.  
  
Opal Star: Not much more waiting, only one epilogue left, which as I said earlier should be written very soon.  
  
Fantasy Angel: I'm not really that good a poet, since none of the poems in this story are actually my original work. And, well, you could say Lucia was murdered, but it was more suicide, though Lucius certainly drove her to it.  
  
Ainsley Sloan: Ok, I'm going to make the assumption that anyone bothering to read this has read Order of the Phoenix. And, I can so totally not believe I was right. And I have to admit, I was finally beginning to like the guy at the beginning. Sirius is hilarious when he's pissed off and sarcastic, though he later pissed my off. I think Sirius is a character who will grow on my though, because I was re-reading Goblet, and came across a letter he wrote, and felt sad. But, I am a lot sadder for Harry, and my poor Lupin. I also feel for you with friends who like Dobby. WHY???  
  
Darcel: Don't feel guilty, since you did eventually review.  
  
As I said before, look for the epilogue, and final part of this story, soon.) 


	13. Beloved

Epilogue: Beloved  
  
Draco stood in front of a small, plain grave. The only marking was the years, and the initials LM. This was where his sister had been buried seven years before.  
  
Of course, only a very select group of people knew that Lucia had committed suicide. Draco wouldn't even have known if he hadn't seen the green light flash in his sister's room. It hadn't been until 5th year DADA class that he recognized the light as a sign of the Killing Curse. And after finding the letters, he knew for certain what his sister had done, and why.  
  
The official story was that Lucia became sick, and died in her sleep. Despite the comfort from this lie, Draco was glad he knew the truth. And he was also glad that he had come here to the grave, to meet some Lucia loved very much.  
  
Bill Weasley apparated minutes after Draco himself arrived. Without a word, Draco handed him the letter Lucia had written. And then he moved away, leaving Bill alone with his beloved's words.  
  
Bill read the letter over and over again, and Draco could see tears glistening in his eyes. Finally he closed the letter, folded it up and placed it in his pocket. Only then did Draco approach the older wizard.  
  
"Thank you," Bill said to him, his voice a bit muffled by emotion.  
  
Draco nodded in reply, as they both stood side by side, before Lucia's grave.  
  
"I knew that story your Father gave out couldn't be true. She wouldn't have let an illness kill her."  
  
"No, she wouldn't have."  
  
Bill knelt down, picking up a rose bush that Draco hadn't noticed before. He walked over to the grave, and planted it before the stone.  
  
"It's a black rose. Lucia always loved black flowers," Bill explained, and then he took out his claw earring, placing beside the rose. "And she was always after me to grow my hair out, or pierce me ear. She always said that it would make me look so cool." Bill laughed, then choked on a sob.  
  
He turned back towards Draco. "Well, I better be going before Mom looks at that clock of hers, and starts asking questions. Thank you again."  
  
After Bill disappeared, Draco approached the stone. He looked at the blank stone and suddenly knew what he needed to do. He took out his wand and spoke a few simply words, and engraved his own message to his sister, finally showing how deep he cared for her.  
  
Beloved sister.  
  
(A/N OMG, it's over. I think I'm going to cry. I'm going to miss my characters SO much, and all my devoted reviewers.  
  
I'd like to take this time to dedicate Confessions of the Firstborn to my reviewers, who really supported me in my writing. It was because of you that this story was always on my mind, and why it rocks so much. I'd also like to just say how incredibly long this story is. It takes up 58 pages on Microsoft word, has over 23 000 words, and the file size is 202KB.  
  
I'm so glad I had a chance to write this story. But now it is time to put Lucia behind me. I often seem to get almost possessed by a character. It happened with Lucia, and with Circe Dumbledore before her. The newest character to do this is named Oleander Snape. She is going to appear in my story "Betrayal", though not for a while. I hope you guys give that a read, because it is now going to be my only WIP for Harry Potter.  
  
So, I want to bed you all the fondest of farewells, and thank everyone who read this story from the bottom of my heart.) 


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